Over the weekend, Todd Palin -- ruggedly handsome tough guy husband of Sarah Palin -- spoke to 75 members of a gun club in Pennsylvania. He told them that it's important for the U.S. to have a president and vice presidential team which "supports our core values -- hunting & fishing." Witnesses say that, in context, the "our" Palin was referring to would be U.S. citizens in general, as in: "hunting & fishing are core American values." Before you laugh or roll your eyes or cycle through any of the dozen or so derisive responses this story is sure to elicit from anyone who reads this site regularly, understand that Palin arrived at "hunting & fishing" after whittling down an extensive list of values he considers intrinsically American. Here now, that list:
Todd Palin's Kick-Ass U.S.A. Values, Hell Yeah!Pickin' & Grinnin'
Big & Rich
Brooks & Dunn
Peanut Butter & Jelly
Meat & Potatoes
Nickelback & Daughtry
Jesus & Christ
Beavis & Butthead
Brown Sugar & Maple Syrup
Snow Mobilin' & Hot Chick Feelin'
Tits & Ass
Sour Cream & Onion
Wal-Marts & Wet Farts
NASCAR & Old Milwaukee
Billy Ray & Miley Cyrus
Pork & Beans
Tom & Jerry
Trailer Parks & Tornados
Maury Povich & Paternity Tests
WWE & GEDs
Dickies & Chukka Boots
Drillin' & Grillin'
Crystal & Meth
Slips & Falls
Lynchin' & Cross Burnin'
Truckin' & Fuckin'
'91 Goatees & '82 Trans-Ams
Cole Puffinburger
Huntin' & Fishin'
Monday, October 20, 2008
Value Mealy
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17 comments:
Wine 'Em, Dine 'Em, & 69 'Em
Bro's before Ho's?
Oh wait, that's right, he forgot that one.
Chaw & Mullets
Jesus-take-the-wheel & Baby Jesus
If Daughtry and Nickelback are ever declared core American values I am going to declare aliyah.
What makes that even more surreal is that The Daily Show made that a throwaway joke at the Republican Convention... Putting people on the spot about what "small town values" means, somebody said fishing...
It was funny then, but it's just creepy coming from a candidate's spouse.
The sad fact it, he said just what those rednecks wanted to here. He could have been speaking in my town and gotten wild applause. Welcome to rural Pennsylvania, it's like a slice of the old South right here in the North.
God I hate my state. No no, I love my state, I just can't stand a lot of of the people in it, er... maybe? Well, I love the terrain and scenery of my state? The trees are pretty. People suck. I know rednecks from Philadelphia. Is it the influence of the Appalachian mountains? Spreading redneckitis across all those states they touch? Someone should do a study. Fortunately my Dutch friend Anton was in for the past week or so and, for a time, at least, I got to have some intelligent discussion. And hear what the general opinion of our wonderful country is in Holland, and Europe in general. It's not a pretty picture.
(They think we're idiots and are afraid of what we're doing.)
He has dual citizenship in both Holland and the US, but said it's such a hassle to vote over there that he usually doesn't go through all the trouble, but this year he is definitely going to vote. He says he can't afford not to. Let's just hope that absentee ballots are actually counted this election.
Izar,
I don't think it's the corrupting influence of the Appalachians. Hillbillies aren't exactly the same as Rednecks (i.e. look at the popular support for Unions and liberal economic policy throughout Appalachian West Virginia and eastern Kentucky, where I grew up). We're just "shirt-tail kin", as we say where I am from, to some pretty ignorant rednecks, and there ain't a lot we can do about it except say "God love their hearts" and move on.
So glad I'm in Austin now. Sure Texas is a real big red state, but Austin is this nice little oasis of blue...
I am sorry to have to point out that Nickleback belongs to us Canucks. So, so sorry.
P.S. Brooks and Dunn made me laugh apple through my nose. Nicely played!
That was actually part of the joke. They're Canadian (and yet somehow intrinsically American) and he's a secessionist from Alaska.
Izar,
As James Carville once said about Pennsylvania, "You got Philadelphia, Pittsboigh, and Alabama in between."
And sour cream and onion should've been a lot higher on that list damn it!
Irony is DEAD!
"Izar,
As James Carville once said about Pennsylvania, "You got Philadelphia, Pittsboigh, and Alabama in between.'"
Oh God, how could I have not seen that quote before? That's the best description of Pennsylvania I've ever read.
Unfortunately.
First of all, why do we have to see this douchebag standing behind his bitch EVERY TIME, EVERY FUCKING PUBLIC APPEARANCE.
When Dick Cheney was running did we have Mrs. Cheney on stage constantly, or Barbara Bush, or Nancy Reagan for that matter.
Hey Todd, just go back to work in Wasilla, work on your god-damn snow mobile, and let your fucking wife make a fool of herself all on her own.
Can you imagine how unbearable he must have been in the Governor's office in A-LAS-KA?
I think you missed one: bonin' and moanin' must have been in there under "couples therapy."
Don't forget "No Fat Chicks".
Ah, 'twas 'Sour Cream & Onion' that made me lose my shit, followed closely by 'Jesus & Christ.'
How about 'Calvin & Peeing?'
'Schlitz & Pussy?'
What, no biscuits and gravy?
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