Friday, October 31, 2008

Fear of a Black Aura


In the immortal words of Dave Barry: I swear I'm not making this up. The following is an e-mail chain sent to me by an alert reader (thanks Jon Rey) after it was sent to him by someone he knows, and so on and so on. Normally I'd say that it's shocking in its hilariously jaw-dropping stupidity, except for two things: 1) we've seen this kind of thing over and over during this presidential campaign, and 2) not only are there people out there who believe horseshit like this, but unfortunately their votes don't count less than yours or mine. So without further ado -- behold what you should apparently really be terrified of this Halloween: BARACK OBAMA'S DARK, SATANIC AURA!

Dear Friends,

I also know this friend, and I feel like what she is telling is the truth. She has a remarkable gift, and I appreciate the fact that she has been willing to share this because it is a lot of the same feelings I have had about him although I can see no auras.

I love you all and pray that each of us will be making the right decisions in the voting that we do. Please get help from the spirit and vote as your heart dictates. So much depends on the outcome, but I guess in reality if we as a nation could return to righteousness that would be the best outcome of all.

---------------------

I know this person very well. She is a good friend of mine. She is very honorable. I have never known her to lie. She has indeed been blessed with a special gift.

---------------------

Dear Friends and Family,

The Lord finally gave me permission to share this. I hope it’s not too late.

As you know, I have the spiritual gift of seeing auras. When I look at people, my spiritual eyes see shades of gray, from white to black. Over the past two months, I have seen pictures of Barack Obama, from childhood to now, bleeped on various news channels. It has been interesting to watch his aura get darker and darker the older he got. I was definitely not prepared for what I saw during the last presidential debate. Senator Obama turned and looked directly at the camera while answering a question. I saw that his aura was black, not just the dark gray I have been seeing, but black. Superimposed on the black was a hideously evil face, like a gargoyle’s face, or the scariest evil monster you can imagine. Then the words “Pure Evil” came to my mind. This disturbed me so much that I began to cry. I didn’t cry out of fear of Obama, but out of concern for our country. Imagine having the devil himself run this great country. If Obama wins, Satan will be running the country.

Until that night, I was going to write someone in on the ballot. That night I realized that if I wrote someone in, I would be handing the election to Obama. I realized the only chance we have is to vote for McCain. He is the only candidate close enough in numbers to possibly win. If we don’t vote for McCain, we would essentially be throwing our vote at Obama. I would never tell people how to vote. We need to think about the repercussions of our vote. Pray to know who to vote for. One vote could make the difference, and with so much hanging in the balance, it could REALLY make a difference.

Take this message and do with it as you will. I hope you pray to know what I am saying is true, get your own confirmation. If you find out what I am saying is true, and I am sure you will, pass this message on. We only have a week to get this message out, a week to help people know what they are really up against.

Yup, she's absolutely right. This message needs to get out so that people understand what they're up against. Now if anyone needs me, I'll be sitting in the corner hitting myself in the head repeatedly with a phone book.

33 comments:

Anonymous said...

I do not understand how people this stupid survive until adulthood. I so wish that I could vote in your election - but I'll just be up here in Canada, biting my nails and pulling out my hair, come Tuesday.

Anonymous said...

This is some scary shit. I just had to explain to a family member this week how Obama's not a Muslim. I threw in though that even if he was, so what? We do have freedom of religion the last time I looked. Sad thing is that I probably wasted my breath as I think her mind is made up and nothing's going to change it. I also told her (and probably didn't help my cause) she's not going to vote for him because he's not white and the Muslim thing is just an excuse.

Anonymous said...

In case this doesn't scare you enough, put something like "barack obama pure evil" or "barack obama satan", etc. into Google.

This isn't even close to a lone occurrence. People think, for whatever reason, that Obama has ties to Satanism.

Unlike Sarah Palin with her Witch Doctor (Who surprisingly hasn't been able to heal John McCain of old age).

B8ovin said...

All my life, my friends, the spirit has guided me and when the internet boom began I found out my secret calling: I can see the spirit of people through their emails. It's a rare gift that God gives only a few, a righteous pure hearted few (so you know my intentions are GOD'S intentions). All of this is to assure you that I the following is based on real spiritual truth, the kind you can't get by reading the liberal press or watching the tainted main stream media. When I read this email I saw...NOTHING. No conscience, no intelligence, no self-awareness. I can only conclude that it was written by a cat. Yes, through my gift I surmise that someone's cat walked across a keyboard and by sheer chance typed out that message. As unlikely as it seems, it is by degrees more likely to be true than the message in question.

kanye said...

What a crank! Everybody knows that auras, like cherry wood, darken with age and exposure to sunlight. Moron.

burke said...

Pure brilliance, B8ovin!!! Indeed, you indeed have a gift.

Anonymous said...

How come it's never the smart, together, people who can see auras and have magical powers? It's never Bob, your human rights lawyer brother-in-law whose counsel you listen to because he's generally right and can back up his assertions with evidence and logic. It's always Starshine, the flaky sub-par secretary at work who holds weird beliefs and makes demonstrably false statements all the time.

Oh right. If you're smart and together you don't need to make up magical "powers" to get people's attention.

Claims of psychic powers are almost always just short-cuts to get credibility and attention that their 'wielders' don't deserve.

Nouriel Roubini made very prescient statements about the current financial crisis. This gives his future predictions additional weight. He doesn't need to claim that it was the spirits what told him the future. He has charts and math and published papers. It's amazing to me that given how much we know about the world and human psychology and the way things WORK there are still SO many people who would rather listen to crazy aura lady than Nouriel Roubini.

Cheryl Robbins said...

I want to have a good comment for this, I really really do. But, I really, honestly, and truly cannot relate to anyone that is this blindingly stupid. I mean, I know that stupid walks amongst us every day, often disguised as regular people. Sometimes, they wear a tell... two left shoes on, noses enlarged by containing fifteen M&Ms, or smacking their foreheads repeatedly with hammers. Sometimes, though, it is not this easy.

But, only in these late hours do we see that we may be outnumbered, that the power of stupid is so strong that it is impossible to be defeated.

I was Drew's intern on FARK.com, and ever since experiencing the hours and hours of mind-sucking moderation I've attempted to avoid the political threads because I know they are not good for my faith in humanity. However, during this election season, I've been sucked into them like a moth to a flame. It hurts my heart and donkey kicks my brain into a pile of mush, but there I am, arguing to try to create order out of the complete anarchy with a profanity filter. You see this argument there over and over again.

Stupidity is such a powerful force that it cannot be cured by education, reason, logic, or all the other weapons we attempt to use against it. If only humanity will see it for what it is, instead of celebrating a person's right to be painfully stupid, then perhaps we might be that society which currently exists only as a costume to be displayed to the rest of the world.

Happy Halloween.

PixTweak said...

Makes no sense. If they believe the bible then they should be confident that they will be saved whether the anti-christ comes to power or not. According to the scripture these things are meant to happen and by choosing to not vote for Obama you are fucking with god's stupid plan!!!! How anti religious of them!

Anonymous said...

Is my aura showing? Sorry!

wickedwitch said...

Hell, I'm with Votar now. I think I'm in love with Cheryl Robbins. Perfectly stated!

Jeremy said...

I always thought Ronald Wilson Reagan was the anti-christ. Think about it R-O-N-A-L-D (six letters) W-I-L-S-O-N (6) R-E-A-G-A-N (60! 666! And we was "wounded in the head" with Alzheimer's. Eh?
I think the neo-cons are going to continue being frustrated by the slipping Reagan legacy and the fact they can't "trickle down" on us as much as they'd like to and eventually, when they realize no one else can live up to the unmitigated, yet lovable, evil of the Gipper (Cheney is evil enough, but not loveable) they'll reanimate his corpse, thereby initiating the end-of-times...

Or at least that is how I think it'll go down...

Julius_Goat said...

Everybody knows that Jared from Subway is the AntiChrist, anyway. Duh.

jrm78 said...

Well, I have Rowdy Roddy Piper's magic sunglasses from They Live, and I seen Barack, and he is good. So there... Nyah!

Cheryl Robbins said...
A lot of the stuff greenlit in the Fark Politics tab lately has been so extremely stupid and provocative, it lends credence to the grumblings that many of the moderators there greenlight the stupidest headlines and articles to drive page hits, not rational discussions. I suppose if you want rationality on fark anymore, you have to fork over the $5 for total fark. Thankfully, they extended the kill-filter to us liters recently. I finally put it to use recently when I KF'd some idiot saying something completely douchetastic at the top of the "Jennifer Hudson's 7yo nephew confirmed dead" thread earlier this week, then dismissed it later in the thread with a trite "just kidding, heh". There are times when I think I'm done with fark, though I savor the threads where actual rational discussions do take place even if they're rare.

/sorry for the threadjack
//fark politics tab is a cavalcade of stupid
///now I'm bringing my bad fark habits over here!

slouchmonkey said...

Luke 23:34

"Forgive them for they are fucking morons."

RottweilerTOM said...

Wait: don't evangelical christians and the like, find soothsayers to be satanic, evil, or should be thrown in the ring of fire?

I guess not.

Cheryl Robbins said...

jrm78

Shame shame shame for the thread jack and misquote!

I agree and I don't. It's a pretty big mix between valid and invalid arguments on both sides. Not everyone there is a nut bar, but they definitely exist and usually make the most noise.

Not all of FARK is politics, though, even though it may feel this way during an election. I heart the "Geek" tab, especially when there's a long queue of articles I haven't read. It makes me smile.

/ Now returning the thread to it's regularly-scheduled programming.

Chez said...

Drew's a good friend of mine and a big supporter of this site so I'd be remiss if I didn't show a little love for Fark.

When I worked at CNN, I got a hell of a lot of stories from Fark -- and the secret no one wants you to know is that a lot of other producers can say the same.

Felis Femina said...

I had a roommate in college who claimed to be able to see people's auras, although she saw all different colors and this current nutjob only sees shades of gray and black. I called bullshit on my roommate and I call bullshit on this woman. But in the off chance that she truly can see people's auras, whose to say that a black aura is bad? I assume auras don't come with instruction manuals so she's simply going by the old stereotype white=good, black=evil.

But really, ever since Almost Famous whenever someone mentions auras all I can think of is the scene where the kid is backstage calling home to his mom and the hippy groupie is shouting at him over and over "it's purple, your aura's purple!"

And finally, why were Obama's childhood pictures bleeped on various news channels? Were they pictures of little Barack in the bathtub?

Cheryl Robbins said...

Oh, yeah... He's such a sweetheart, may be running into him at the bar tonight. Drew goes on my friend Melissa's radio show when he's in town on Thursdays (I think Thursdays) and will always arrive bright and chipper before 7:00 in the morning. He knows that they get 90% of their material from his site. It's an excellent source of "news of the weird", most of the links are gold, and even political ones with which we may disagree have value for presenting the opposition. The threads are often pretty amazing and funny, as well, but not as much this close to an election. It's like Fark's menstrual cycle.

votar said...

You've all got it all wrong. This wasn't written by a stupid person.

Anyone really believe this, or any of the other emails like it, originated from some mud-farmer who thinks he/she can see auras (astonishingly, even pre-recorded auras broadcast on television)?

Every word of this was carefully crafted, even the parts that are so outrageous but nevertheless seem sincere to the incurious and the desperately superstitious. The real evil is that there are very intelligent, malicious, and manipulative people out there with the means and the will to deceive and control the ignorant in such a way.

MataHari said...

My evil, jet-black aura just wants to punch her "spiritual eyes".

jeremy said...

I'm telling you Votar, it's the ghost of Ronald Wilson Reagan.

Anonymous said...

is she trying to convince me that obama is black?

kanye said...

anonymous @3:15 PM...agree with you about Roubini. Required reading for those with an interest in economics.

Tanta at Calculated Risk is every bit as good, and her comments section (and those who post there)is nothing short of amazing.

Deacon Blue said...

I'm inclined to agree with Votar's theory. I like to think that a few people have been lured to my blog by internet searches to see my post a couple days ago on how stupid the Obama Antichrist thing is, but...

...I don't exactly get all that many hits.
...and I don't particularly expect it's going to change a confused fanatic's mind.

But I can always hope.

This shit is like marketing...people feeding on the stupidity and base desires and fears and ignorance of people who simply want to be told what to do. It's insidious, and sadly it's permeated organized religion and a lot of related areas for centuries.

Anonymous said...

Wow. Someone needs to get medicated. Fast.

Seriously, if a "very good friend of mine" told me this story, I would drive them to the emergency room.

The only thing that prevents people like this from eventually separating themselves from humanity, and possible doing something terrible in that dark place, is access to care.

http://www.nami.org/

Mental health parity went in with the TARP bailout deal, btw. ;^)

Anonymous said...

The idiot alert level just hit severe.

Cheryl Robbins said...

True that this wasn't composed by a stupid person. However, it was written for a stupid person as the prime audience. They are the demographic to be worried about.

joshnunn said...

If this were my friend spamming people with talk of her ability to see auras and devil-faces broadcast over tv, I'd be suggesting she sees someone to get medication or therapy. That's not normal. And shame on her friends for letting her think it is, regardless of her religious belief.

Although, come to think of it, wouldn't it make more sense to believe that satan has tampered with the media and is broadcasting this sort of false image precisely to get people to vote for McCain? Think about it.

YogaforCynics said...

Yet another clever way of implying the "n-word" without actually saying it.....

jrm78 said...

Cheryl Robbins said...
Sorry for not getting back to you earlier... I admit, I still love Fark; sometimes it really helps getting through a sloooowww day at work. Though yeah, I was venting a lot of steam that's built up from the stupid this election cycle in the politics threads. I like your assertion that it's almost like it's Fark's menstrual cycle; that sums it up pretty nicely. All that said, I can't wait to point and laugh at all the black helicopter lunatics that will be ranting in the poli threads there after B-Rock wins. And maybe you have a point that I should go to some of the other tabs that don't angry up the blood like Sports and Politics can.

Anonymous said...

I'm actually too mad to read all of this right now. I just visited the myspace page of my mother-in-law's best friend. My husband knows her as "Aunt." On her myspace bulletin board she has posts about Obama "Robin from the Hood" and "The only difference between Obama and Osama is BS." All her blogs are you tube videos and chain mails about Obama being a horribly dangerous man. Her top "friends" share her backwoods sentiments and one even went as far as to show a picture of Obama dressed up in Bin Laden's garb. This is a woman who is a Born Again Christian and everywhere else on her site she talks about God's beauty and God's love and her faith in God. She graduated from high school and home-schooled her son (scary because she is not that bright) It's one thing to hear about and see footage about these kind of hate mongers who have the balls to disguise themselves as Christians. It's quite another to know this horror of a human being was at your wedding. I'm fuming right now. Take this a step further and you're a skin head or a member of the KKK. What will she (and others like her) do when Obama (most likely) will be the President of the United States? It's terrifying and it makes me sick to my stomach. I needed to vent. Thank you!