The Official Absurdly Excessive Hip-Hop Faux-Aristocracy Name Generator
Step 1: Take the name of a popular character from a 70s sitcom.
Step 2: Add an extra syllable commonly found in the names of soap opera family patriarchs and Hamptons yachting instructors.
Step 3: Combine both with a brand of high-end luxury vehicle.
Bonus: Try to make the whole thing sound like a malapropism that's the result of a mistranslation between diametrically opposing cultures.
Example: Fonzworth Bentley (rapper, stylist, and Clown Collegiate host of VH-1's new reality series, From G's to Gents)
Other Possibilities: Squiggington Benz, Cunningham Aston, Dr. Johnny Feverthorn Hummer III
Monday, August 04, 2008
Class Act
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JJ Dart
Weezy-ewing Rolls
Mr. Furley Smythe-Royce
Morkingham Jag
Webster St. Germaine Yugo
Wait, I might have fucked that last part up...
St. John (pronounced SIN-gin) "Trapper" Veyron IV
Mork Von Lotus Esquire (Secret agent, theif, assasin, interior decorator!)
nah I like:
J.J. Evanshire's "sweet daddy williams'" pink cadillac
Arnold Horshackwell Escalade (the emphasis on shack in Horshackwell).
Usually I go by Lord Rod Swellingcock, but in this case I'll go with Bensonthal Sterling.
Anfernee Hardaway.
Oh, wait...
Dude, you really need to work on Steps 2 and 3. (no, not those steps, but the ones in your generator.)
In the dictionary under redundant, it says; "See redundant."
Don't you hate it when that number 2 sticks?
You just need to stop jerking it over your keyboard!
Archibald "Archie" Aston the Third, Esq.
Word, bitches. Triple A here to cordially crash this debutante ball (to which he was invited) and respectively turn these bitches out (with whom one of which he was already set up for a sexless, loveless white collar marriage)! LIVIN' DA DREAM, BABY!
Chachingsly Bonneville
@ Anon 9:27 --
Thanks for the catch.
Starbuckley Olds
Twikington Royce
Squiggiekley Lambourghini
Lenninshire Countach
BJwick Camaro
Chachington Vette
Radarham Testarosa
Yeah yeah... the first two aren't sitcoms. The shows were still goofy though.
Lavirley Lexington Cancunus IV
Riviera Kotterton
Falcon "Moet" Crestington
Brandi Napoleon Roggerton
Was Happenton Carrera
Cannestintine Vespa
Sanfordillo Cadescalade
Apropos to absolutely NOTHING in this post, my feeble endeavor to create humorous names took me six hours. While working on it my dog came down stairs with the door to my bedroom. Apparently locked in, she ate the thing off the hinges and brought three quarters of it to me. So I had to buy and rehang a door. Sharing stuff like that randomly is exactly what the web and Chez's site is for, yes?
OMG I'm Dianah Prius.... Seeeeexy! As oppose to Diana Prince... So close and yet so far.
Rerunafeller Fiat
Tattooworth Dusenberg
Lancelot Linkington Lincoln
Rhodafield Maybach
Meatheadley FieroGT Lamarghini
: )
A movie, a show, AND two cars in there!
Mork Von Hummerstein
The Official Absurdly Excessive Web-Celeb Faux-Intellectual Name Generator
Step 1: Take the name of a renaissance figure, preferably (for irony's sake) the bastard child of a Pope.
Step 2: Drop it to a one-syllable nickname, much like soap opera stars and Hamptons golf pros.
Step 3: For even more irony, use a surname that translates to a human virtue such as love, patience, compassion or tolerance.
Bonus: Get it on your birth certificate.
Example: Cesare "Chez" Pazienza (author, media gadfly, and host of the meta-reality blog Deus Ex Malcontent)
Other Possibilities: Alfonso "Alf" Liebe, Victor "Vic" Gentileza, Lucrezia "Lou" Mededogen
I'm Hawkeyeton Maserati.
Oh that's good, Tony. Damn good.
Except that my real name is Belvedere Jehosephat.
Blowhard Diddledropper, Esq.
Merkaydes Sanfordston
Lamont Cranston Esprit Turbo
Saleen Abdul-Jabbar
I know, I know. Off formula, but I couldn't stop thinking about it all day. : )
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