This afternoon, my and Jayne's brand new bed arrived; it was assembled and now graces our upstairs bedroom.
Which means that my old bed -- the one I've had since 1993 -- has been taken apart for the last time and now sits in pieces outside our home, waiting for the garbage men to come and cart it away.
That bed survived fifteen years, nine moves, four cities, three wives, two dogs, countless ecstasy-induced multiple-partner encounters, and a hell of a lot of otherwise drunk, angry or just plain deviant sexual behavior.
But alas, the time has come to finally say a fond farewell to it.
Rest in peace, old friend.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
The Big Sleep
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17 comments:
You can't just toss that bed. At least try offer it to the Smithsonian first.
Put it on Craigslist. Just make sure you use that same description.
You've set that bed loose upon the world? Do you think it's just going to sit there waiting to be tossed out?
Who knows the kinds of things it might go out and do? The kinds of deviant things it might try to teach other potential bed-using humans?
It doesn't bear thinking about; if I do, I might start getting hot and bothered and have to wake up the wife.
or why not donate it to goodwill or habitat for humanity. As long as it's not broken let someone else find the joys and sorrows of it.
Oh. Yeah...
That bed.
Jayne is a tolerant woman, isn't she, Chez?
3 wives? your wives? you have mentioned horrid ex and blissful current alot. how long did the other one last?
Sorry, you'll need to read the book to find out any more about my past. (See what I did there?)
By the way, not only is Jayne tolerant -- it was her idea to have me post this little eulogy to my bed.
For the record, please take this whole thing with the tongue-in-cheek, self-deprecating spirit with which it's being offered up.
I have been married 3x as well - of course I am 51! My first husband decided to play for the other team, My second husband made my life a freaking misery - and my third husband is, well, we are just lucky we found each other! Five years on the first, 13 years on the second, and 10 and counting on Mr. Wonderful.
That a great bed for hand cuffs, but for some reason I think you know that already.
I think I'm a little jealous of you..
More like rest in pieces...
BV- when Chez and I moved from Atlanta to New York, he came up ahead of me to start work at CNN and I stayed behind to pack and wait for the movers. Imagine my embarrassment when they were taking apart that bed, and what did they find clasped to the bars? We all just went on as if we saw nothing...
totally true.
Jayne - Handcuffs? The arm of a dead hooker? The last shreds of Chez' pride?
Fair they well, old bed. May a flight of boxsprings sing thee to thy rest.
Damn Chez....I'm suddenly very jealous of you.
Yeah, uh, if any of you New Yorkers could hold on to that bed for a few days, I'll be up to get it this weekend. And it'd be really great if you could save me some time and already have the Ecstacy and barely-legal Thai hookers waiting when I get there.
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