Thursday, June 12, 2008

Welcome to My M. Nightmare



What follows is a piece I wrote in July of 2006, when my blog was in its anonymous infancy. I posted it briefly, then eventually removed it from the site. But with the release tomorrow of M. Night Shyamalan's latest unintentionally hilarious love letter to himself, The Happening, I figured it was time I brought back this little tale of my morning with Night.

FADE IN:

INT. LARGE OFFICE BUILDING CAFÉ

Light streams in through the giant floor-to-ceiling windows of a large office building in Midtown Manhattan. The sun creates long, ominous shadows -- cast from the various ominous cafeteria-style chairs which are scattered about the large room. In the distance we hear the ominous sounds of workers going about their morning routine. There is a sense of forboding all around -- heightened by the ominous tones of two or three drawn-out notes composed by James Newton Howard, apparently in his sleep. This single shot goes on -- uninterrupted -- for another five minutes. Don't argue. This is art.

Slowly the camera pans over and when it finds THE FRUSTRATED NEWS PRODUCER seated, it begins a fixed-field dolly-in/zoom-out shot -- because this is a completely unimaginative first-year film student trick. THE FRUSTRATED NEWS PRODUCER, a quiet and mysterious everyman with an obligatory dark secret, hears a sound off-camera and slowly glances up from the floor. The sense of foreboding is now palpable. James Newton Howard draws out a fourth or fifth note.

INT: END OF LONG HALLWAY LEADING TO CAFÉ

A door opens slowly -- ominously. The camera follows the feet of THE BIG-TIME MOVIE DIRECTOR who walks through the door; behind him the multiple feet of his ENTOURAGE can be seen following closely, eager to be in the presence of such artistic greatness. The horde of feet moves slowly down the hall -- possibly in slow-motion, because that'd look really, uh, ominous -- toward THE FRUSTRATED NEWS PRODUCER.

INT: LARGE OFFICE BUILDING CAFÉ

THE FRUSTRATED NEWS PRODUCER -- having already figured out the incredibly obvious ending of this story -- simply shakes his head and sighs, wondering to himself why he didn't choose a more noble profession -- such as peep-show attendant. He speaks in an ominous whisper as James Newton Howard's sixth note rises to a crescendo.

FRUSTRATED NEWS PRODUCER: "I see arrogant people."

FADE TO BLACK


It's a Hollywood cliché that's as old as Joan Rivers's first face, but if there's any value left in it then it may be safe to say that I'll never work in this town again.

This morning, I pissed off M. Night Shyamalan. Pissed him off to the point of getting a condescending lecture from him. A lecture which could better be described as a humiliating public chewing-out. A humiliating public chewing-out as in a questioning of my qualifications as a news producer and more than likely a human being in general. I could go on and on until I'm reduced to the size of a dust mite, but I assume you get the picture.

It happened after the taping of an interview with him, Paul Giamatti and Bryce Dallas Howard -- all of whom are wisely busting their asses to promote Shyamalan's latest cinematic insomnia cure and last-ditch chance at cultural relevance, Lady in the Water.

Before I explain the details, let me rewind. (If this were a Shyamalan movie, it'd be in the form of a nebulous flashback which would hint at the film's final silly twist).

For the past couple of months, I've remained pretty steadfast in my desire to never divulge my place of employment, nor ever to write about anything that goes on there. I have no problem pontificating on the media in general, but when it comes to the day to day specifics of my job or my opinions of them, I'd rather keep my big mouth shut. I have New York City rent to think about; the less I put my income at risk, the better. But I'm willing to bend the rules ever-so-slightly in this case for several reasons which include, but aren't limited to (A) the fact that it's a really hysterical and infuriating story, (B) the fact that it proves unmistakably what Shyamalan's detractors have been saying about him for years -- namely that he's a raging egomaniac, (C) the fact that there's still enough subversive punk left in me that I'd love to exact a small amount of revenge, even if it's simply by discouraging one person from seeing a Shyamalan film, and most importantly because (D) if I don't say something, the world will believe that this man was all sweetness and light to both me and my network -- since I already know for a fact that our completed story will portray him favorably, and that pisses me off.

Let's flashback a little further; it's a ridiculous parlor trick that I'm sure Shyamalan would appreciate.

The story behind the making of his new movie, Lady in the Water, is the stuff of Hollywood legend. It's well documented in the painfully awful new hagiography The Man Who Heard Voices: How M. Night Shyamalan Risked His Career on a Fairy Tale. The short story is that Shyamalan ("Night" to his friends, of which I obviously can't count myself one) pitched the idea to his personal di Medici family at Disney, only to have them express reservations about the idea of turning a bedtime story he told to his kids into a multi-million dollar investment. During the "Creative Process," it's said that Shyamalan threw a fit when Disney studio chief Nina Jacobson wasn't at home to personally receive a hand-delivered script as if it were the lost five commandments. It's also said that in spite of Disney's reservations, they were fully willing to green-light Shyamalan's pet project based solely on their faith in his vision (and keep in mind, this was the same vision that gave us The Village, a movie whose final twist I actually figured out from watching the commercials). Still, Shyamalan wasn't feeling the love, and petulantly walked across the street -- taking his script about pool-nymphs and grass monsters to the more trusting suits at Warner Brothers.

I've seen the result. The movie is average at best.

I should probably mention that I never thought The Sixth Sense heralded the arrival of the next Spielberg. I figured out the ending about fifteen minutes into it, and although I admired the clever construction and willingness to allow the plot to simmer rather than boil over, I never understood why a series of static shots and a sleepwalking Bruce Willis constituted such a laudable achievement. I actually think it says something about the film industry as a whole that a guy like Shyamalan can be considered a visionary auteur. I often wonder what our collective opinion would be if we didn't have Michael Bay and Rob Cohen to compare him to. Shyamalan gets popcorn bucketfuls of credit for a style that Kubrick perfected a generation ago.

Since his breakout hit, Shyamalan has yet to prove himself to be anything more than a self-important myth created by none other than Shyamalan himself.

Lady in the Water does little to change that. It boasts a fantastic performance by Giamatti, but that's become as common in Hollywood as tiny dogs in handbags. Howard meanwhile is asked to do little more than meet the necessary standard of "mysterious luminescence." The supporting cast is composed of fine actors who do their best to buy into Shyamalan's fairy-tale mythology; how they keep a straight face most of the time is beyond me. The movie also takes Shyamalan's legendary self-indulgence to unparalleled heights; he casts himself as a writer whose destiny is to change the world, and he literally eviscerates a film critic in a sequence which is no doubt supposed to be funny and clever, but instead winds up looking like the celluloid tantrum of an upset child.

On the plus side, if you completely suspend logic and disbelief -- seemingly a requirement for most Shyamalan movies -- you might not regret spending the ten dollars. Once again, it's got Giamatti; it can't be all bad.

So now we flash-forward to this morning. See what a simple trick that is?

I was saddled with the task of setting up and producing the interview with Shyamalan, Giamatti and Howard, and rather than do the usual, boring in-studio thing, I wanted to show a little vision myself. My initial plan was to shoot the interview in the screening room theater within my office building; unfortunately it was booked. My backup plan was to shoot it outside with the city as a backdrop; unfortunately it was too damned hot. So we went to plan C.

Plan C involved setting up a table at the edge of the café within our building; it's relatively quiet at the hour we needed it, and has a massive window with a beautiful view of Central Park. My hope was for the interview to look less like an interview and more like a casual conversation. There would be coffee. There would be a roundtable discussion. There would be three Hollywood heavy-hitters just relaxing. I even made arrangements to make sure that the entire interview was shot with handheld cameras -- cinema verité-style.

After sitting down and being mic'ed up, it took all of about ten seconds for Shyamalan to begin voicing his displeasure. At first it was done in the form of not-so-subtle jokes.

"This is really where we're doing this?"

"Don't your big anchors actually get sets?"

"Hey, can I get a tuna fish sandwich? This is a cafeteria right?"

I smiled and played along, stunned at the level of professionalism I had unwittingly adopted at some point during my career -- a career which was at that moment flashing before my eyes, as a man who makes his living directing films was picking apart my production techniques. This was of course immediately followed by the realization that in reality, nothing would be cooler -- or more personally beneficial in the long run -- than to have M. Night Shyamalan get me fired.

Over the next twenty minutes, the jokes turned to open hostility.

"This is like high school."

"This is ridiculous."

And my personal favorite:

"Somebody's gonna get railed when this is over. I just want you guys to know that. I just want to warn you that it's coming. You've never seen me on a movie set, but you're gonna."

I can call M. Night Shyamalan a lot of things -- "hack" and "asshole" immediately come to mind -- but I suppose I can't call him a liar. As promised, the moment the cameras stopped, the bitching started.

Shyamalan pulled me and his Warner handler (a man with the apparent patience of Job) aside, and basically did his impression of the shark in Jaws during the final clash with poor Quint. Once again there were accusations of unprofessional work: he was distracted by noises in the next room; he didn't like the look of the shots; we obviously didn't care enough to take this interview seriously. He then pulled an argument out of his ass that was so transparent, you would've thought it was the first half of The Village.

"Look, I don't care about me. You can do what you want with me. But these are good actors and they deserve better."

It's a testament to Shyamalan's oft-maligned acting skills that he actually managed to project something akin to genuine concern for someone other than himself. I fought the urge to applaud. What I did do though, was smile; I smiled the entire time. The thought which kept that grin glued to my face was simple: thank God this guy knows nothing at all about me, otherwise he'd be speaking to my boss right now; if he understood anything at all about who he was talking to, he'd be too worried about leaving here on a stretcher to actually be taking this shit up with me.

As he continued to rant, I noticed that he was either delusional or narcissistic enough to believe that everyone around him adhered to his personal point of view unquestioningly (and you wonder why the leaps of logic in his movies). He flat out said that both the anchor conducting the interview, and the video crew taping it had told him that they agreed that the shoot was shit. Suffice to say I suffered through the tapes of the interview several times during the course of the afternoon. He apparently really is hearing voices.

The most cringe-inducing part of this story however, will be the final insulting act. In a day or two, this interview will hit the airwaves. Once edited and post-produced, it will be exactly as originally advertised. It'll be a blow job for the movie, and its pig-headed director will look positively golden. All day I've grappled with this journalistic dilemma -- one that I admit is relatively silly in the great scheme of things (although even Murrow thought celebrity journalism represented all that is unholy in this business). The issue is this: we went into this story with the mindset that we were going to -- at least peripherally -- ask a director about his own personal issues which may have stood in the way of getting a movie made. During the interview, he proved every single negative comment we had heard about him to be unequivocally true. What's worse, he knew that it didn't matter how he behaved, because he arrogantly -- although probably correctly -- assumed that we would paint him in a rosy light either way. Once again, it takes either self-delusion bordering on sociopathy, or messianic conceit to believe that no matter what you say or do, the television crew who can make or break you with a single edit will somehow fall in line and heap adoration on you.

This is the why M. Night Shyamalan isn't a visionary so much as a megalomanical bully. I now know that first-hand.

FADE IN:

INT. LIVING ROOM AT NIGHT

THE FRUSTRATED PRODUCER sits at his computer typing away furiously. The camera pans around to show the computer screen. On it is a website. A closer examination reveals that it is a MySpace site -- specifically the official site of THE BIG-TIME DIRECTOR.

THE FRUSTRATED PRODUCER hits the "FRIEND REQUEST" key.

The camera zooms in on THE FRUSTRATED PRODUCER'S face. An evil smile spreads across it.

THE FRUSTRATED PRODUCER laughs hysterically.

FADE TO BLACK


(Update: As of this afternoon, Shyamalan's new movie, The Happening, is scoring a dismal 14% at www.rottentomatoes.com. For the record, even Lady in the Water managed 24%. Looks like you've got another winner on your hands there, Night -- although I have no doubt that, as usual, you'll chalk the negative reaction up to everything and everyone but your own laughable self-indulgence. Sucks being a genius among idiots, doesn't it? Oh well, maybe as with your character in Lady in the Water, it will take future generations to understand your prescient, Orson Wellesian brilliance and worship you accordingly. Course, you'll be dead by then.)

51 comments:

Mr. Controversy said...

Very clever...but where's the twist? Might I suggest...

- his career died before it even started.
- his weakness is water. (This counts twice, seeing as he used it twice.)
- "Night" is really the monsters, and he's living in his own dreamwork concocted willingly from his own mind.
- M. Night Shymalan is from another world...a world where Uwe Boll is apparently God.
- He watches his latest movie, which causes him to kill himself.

What's scarier: the fact that those twists are lifted from his films, or that they oddly fit?(except for the last one, that's just wishful thinking.)

trish said...

I never saw this. Holy hell is that great. I always figured he was a douchebag.

Anonymous said...

Glad this one came back.

Also, have you seen this yet?

http://www.salon.com/politics/war_room/2008/06/11/fox_obama/index.html

I was wondering if we'd be getting your two cents.

- Kara

julie said...

Funny you posted this today, as I also read this earlier:

http://videogum.com/archives/interviews/someone-should-set-m-night-shy_010382.html

I guess it's International Hate On Shamayahlamadingdong Day.


I have to say, now I kinda really want to see Lady in the Water.

Deacon Blue said...

I liked the Sixth Sense. I liked Unbreakable. But after that, the incessant need to have a twist in every movie just started to piss me off. He's like an actor who plays the same kind of role over and over and over again.

Christy said...

I wonder if Shyamalan realizes how condescending and hilarious his comment in this little blurb is:

"Shyamalan added that he worries The Happening will be so good that people might not even realize it. “If something happens during the movie and you think, ‘That’s dumb,’ it’ll be because whatever happened was actually too amazing for you to fully understand, or possibly a metaphor for something really crazy and cool,""

I got the quote from http://filmdrunk.com/post.phtml?pk=1686 - but apparently the original interview is on Yahoo.

Babypants said...

"The Village, a movie whose final twist I actually figured out from watching the commercials)"

Me too!

Blenderab said...

I don't know about the rest of you, but most of the people I've met that use an initial to start out their names, like M. Night Shyamalan, or F. Scott Fitzgerald, etc. are usually Douchebags. (And most of them turn out to be lawyers... go figure)

I'm just saying...

Anonymous said...

I really like this site and this post, and forgive me for being contrairian but...

Am I correct that you did your interview inside your building's coffee shop? I'm sorry, but that's not really that original or visionary.

Also, here's a guy who's really the only major director of Indian American descent who probably has to deal with the same racist crap the breakthrough black directors and women directors had to deal with everyday so he has to be a little arrogant just to make his movies. So maybe he expects the same amount of deference a white director would get...good or bad. At least given the respect of a heads up.

But hey... look out this white kid decides "I'm gonna shoot him in a cofee shop like he's some starving low budget art film student."

You know because interviewing is not about the subject, its about the journalist. So let's not even stop to think "you know Spike Lee, Rober Rodriguez and any other female or minority director you can name who tries to film about non-stereotyped matter and deals with the big studios are called arrogant, may be its not them. Maybe...I don't know...it's the racist others who don't like taking orders from a brown skinned dude"

No...it's them. It's got to be, because I have my vision and what the subject believes is not important.

Okay, okay, god this is rich... okay,on top of that, so this Minority Hollywood Director incorrectly takes the whole thing the wrong way, (which anybody with a little sensitivity could have seen coming a mile off) but whatever...and he rips into the white kid who he sees as disrespecting him. does the white kid have an eppihany of racial sensitivity? The white kid thinks about slugging him!

You know cause this white kid, he's never made a major movie, but how dare this non white speak to HIM like that? Doesn't he know his place? Oooh boy.

Ahh man. Call me PC, but there is another side to your encounter. I'm not an M Night Fan, and I'm not Indian American, but I can see beyound the horizons of my self interest from time to time. You, my friend are special, made me smile, you really crack me up!

-Chuck B.

Jim said...

I can't remember what movie it was but when "The Happening" trailer finally revealed itself to be a "M. Night Shyamalan" movie, everyone in the theater, including myself, let out an involuntary groan immediately followed by laughing and whispers of, "Oh, that's gonna suck."

Anonymous said...

Wait, let me figure it out on my own.

M. Night is an arrogant asshole, megalomanical bully douchbag with an attitude problem and verbally abusive sociopath.

So M. Night = Jon Klein!

Chez said...

Wow Chuck -- just, wow.

You really put all that thought into something that was, in reality, nothing more than one guy being a jerk not just to me but to my entire crew (not to mention his own Warner rep). Just for the hell of it, I'll indulge you and point out that the Time Warner "coffee shop" isn't a coffee shop but a monstrous space with two-story ceilings featuring massive windows that look out onto Central Park -- or did you miss that part?

Look pal, race and ethnicity had nothing at all to do with it. Nothing. But you're welcome to keep coming up with really asinine conspiracy theories like that if you feel like it's good exercise for your brain.

Ranylt said...

Funny, but I imagine a Cuban-American isn't exactly wallowing in white privilege. Male privilege? Hell, yeah, it comes off Chez in waves. But white? I'll have to think about that one, Chuck.

Anonymous said...

"M. Night Shyamalan" Who???????????

Sorry, never heard of him..

Gee, I guess once an ass, always an ass.

Great story Chez..Dam good story...

largo said...

I never thought I'd say this, but I think Chez is being a little too easy on you Chuck.

That's quite a theory you put together, but it's completely off the mark. Like Chez (was), I'm a TV producer (in entertainment) and I've dealt with tons of celebrities. 99 times out of a hundred, they're terrific. When something goes wrong with an interview, when something unexpected happens or you have to go with the best of all possible evils, the dreaded "Plan C," they roll with it.

What they don't do (the good ones anyway) is throw a hissy and act like they're a 12 year old brat. As for the ones who do pull that shit, they don't do it because they're black, white, Asian, Indian or from any other racial or ethnic background. They do it because they see themselves as famous, or brilliant, or otherwise better than everyone else.

That's what Shyamalan does. And he does it to EVERYONE. When that many people are calling you impossibly arrogant (and even his FRIENDS at Disney and Warner say that, so much so that it's affected his ability to make movies) after awhile you have to start giving some thought to the idea that they might be onto something.

If Chez HAD punched his lights out, he would've done something that half of Hollywood wants to do, not because Shyamalan's Indian but because he's an ASSHOLE.

brosty said...

I for one enjoy Almost all of M's movies... Maybe you are more entertained by poop jokes -- I do not know --- however having a bit of variety in our half-baked movie biz... whether always original or not... is still better than none at all.
And again we have another self important ass sitting in his tower trying to let the little people in on how things are in the real world.
If you dont like it or someone do not watch/interview or partake in that someone, and shag off you pawnce.

Anonymous said...

That was an enjoyable and funny read, Chez, thanks.

As for Chuck's comments, may i say that Chez's account jibes with dozens of of stories of Night's preening arrogance? Was every single one of the people he's given this treatment to insensitive to his ethnicity? I think not.

-Belvoir
(forgot my Blogger login)

Chez said...

I'm sorry Brosty...

What the hell are you saying?

brosty said...

Well to be perfactly blunt --
keep your lame ass opinions to yourself.
I realize living in New York and being part of the fine entertainment machine helps you to believe we need to know what you think of someone. News flash -- a lot of people around you think you are an ass also... ahh but they are blogging about it.

Just as people around me think I am an ass...

Could you please inform us on what perfect highbrow entertainment you feel we should be watching.

I understand that M my have been an ass to you in this forum you blather on about... hell he might be an ass to every person he comes in contact with... just what are you trying to get at with your story --- we should hate M with you --- not see his movies --- or stroke your ego with a ha ha comment ---

By the way I appriciate you posting my critique rather than deleting

Chez said...

You know what, you're absolutely right. I'm turning over a new leaf thanks to you. I'll be shutting down this site first thing in the morning.

Thanks for showing me the way, Brosty.

By the way, of course I'll let you comment. You wanna look like an idiot, I see no reason to get in your way.

Now please do me and yourself a favor and stand by the courage of your convictions: Go read something else.

Mona said...

Well, your writing style is pompous, and having read some of your other posts in the past, I wouldn't say it's because this is parody. It helps to have the context of whom you were working for at the time, as statements like these - "I never understood why a series of static shots and a sleepwalking Bruce Willis constituted such a laudable achievement" and "Howard meanwhile is asked to do little more than meet the necessary standard of 'mysterious luminescence'" - are CNN standard formatting (witness the Polo model in the PIP2 shots presently online).

You wanted to show a little vision yourself. Someone cut you down for your inexperience, and you had an ego attack. But others can see beyond your opacity; the guy could have been bitching and seen the anchor or video crew nod in response. He didn't have to be hearing voices. I'm not arguing that he's not an asshole, but come on, when you talk about seeing arrogant people, look in the mirror of your own words: "Once again, it takes either self-delusion bordering on sociopathy, or messianic conceit to believe that no matter what you say or do, the television crew who can make or break you with a single edit will somehow fall in line and heap adoration on you." Really, Chez? One tv crew has all that power? We must all bow down then.

Anonymous said...

cuban american?

Chez said...

Forget it, he's rolling.

Will said...

This is surreal: i just witnessed someone tell a blogger to "keep his opinions to himself" on the guy's own blog.

That's like buying a ticket to a rock show, sitting through it, and then telling the band to stop playing.

Will said...

Oh, and to all you naysayers: consider, please, that writing is part tone, and that Chez's tongue-in-cheek style is part of what makes him so darn refreshing to many of us.

Don't change ever please, Chez. I would stop reading.

largo said...

I really hate to be the one defending Chez left and right today, but Mona you need a little schooling.

You can claim a lot of things about him, but one thing Chez is not is "inexperienced" when it comes to producing television. And as somebody who's been reading him for two years, I can say that he's probably a better writer than you'll ever be. So shove it.

Chez said...

Damn -- the check's in the mail Largo.

35th 'n Shields said...

I don't do celebrity interviews anymore, but once upon a time, in my youth, I had to produce an interview with Taylor Hackford and Isabella Rossellini when their film "White Nights" opened at the Chicago International Film Festival. We shot at the State of Illinois building which has a huge atrium space. It looked great, but about two questions into the interview a band started playing two floors below us, but they might as well have been in our laps. Taylor Hackford was the coolest, most professional guy, and Ms. Rossellini was incredibly patient and gracious. They both sat while the band played their song and then we finished the interview between songs. They were way nicer than they had to be or that we had any right to expect.

We also interviewed Greg Hines and Billy Crystal together that night after they had come off of a long day of shooting "Running Scared", and they were both great. Though Greg Hines, I have to say, was one of the nicest, classiest, people I've ever met.

M Night's a prick and it sort of makes me believe in Karma.

Anonymous said...

Chez NOOOOO! If you keep bantering w/this cretin, it will surely cause some sort of rift in the space/time continuum and then whats-his-face will be compelled to make a movie about it. And it'll turn out to be...well, you know...something banal.

Luvs you to pieces!!!!

Deacon Blue said...

I haven't seen such examples of slavish hero worship of and fanatical defense of a Hollywood figure that Chez has lambasted since....hmmm...well...

Oh. My. God.

Chez, you have discovered the male equivalent of Sarah Jessica Parker.

M. Night Shyamalan

Whoulda thunk?

Anonymous said...

Fuck M. Night Shamalamadingdong. One trick pony motherfucker.

oh davey said...

Wow, I think this is the most unfounded criticism I've ever seen heaped on Chez for a single article which (arguably) hit the nail on the head. I can't recall any time that Chez has been sequentially accused of being racist and told to "keep your opinions to yourself" on HIS OWN BLOG.

Really, now...who tells a blogger to shut up on their own blog? As hard as I may try, I don't think that anything I say will belittle those fools any more than their own comments did.

Chez, ignore the haters. Keep doing what you do because we love it!

Electric Monk said...

Did I miss the memo where Night's movies are supposed to be high brow and thought provoking?

Hackneyed and cliched more like. I've never seen anything more stupid and derivative in my life. There's nothing ground breaking or thought provoking in his films.

Either that or Brosty and Mona are getting their newsletters from a different Pretentious People's Society than me. Should I change my mailing list?

JS said...

Oh I remember this read and I now recall what I wanted to say when you wrote this line:

"and basically did his impression of the shark in Jaws during the final clash with poor Quint"

On the bright side Chez, the shark in Jaws got it's head blown up when it arrogantly believed it could consume anything in it's path. Who knows and the same may happen in it's own way to Whiny Auteur (my personal name for M. Night). :)

Donal said...

I watched The Sixth Sense rather late. A theatre friend had recommended it, so I rented it and watched it alone at home - I forget where everyone else was. And I was completely fooled, but completely entertained. Saw part of Unbreakable, which seemed OK. Signs didn't make sense. Haven't seen anything else by M Night, though I've liked Giammatti since American Splendor, which is one of the few movies I can watch over and over.

I really wanted to mention that I had never even heard of Firefly until reading your sidebar. We lived in a place that didn't pull in Fox. So I bought the set and have really enjoyed the first five episodes. So thanks for that.

Also bought Sunshine.

Duane said...

I'm not overly surprised by people wanting to defend a director they like, but some of the haters here are way overboard. Chez, how you get to people.

I especially love Brosty who tells you to keep your opinions to yourself. Um, isn't this your blog? And why is Brosty here? Weird.

I find it a shame that Night (we're so close, you know) created a really entertaining movie in Sixth Sense and even Unbreakable, but then descended into some sad, sad movies. It would be one thing to try and recapture the magic, but he's just defending some really bad movies.

TMax said...

Duane,
Frankly, I'd appreciate your keeping your comments to yourself. This is a 'comments' section, for god's sake, and all you're doing is...
oh, yeah, I get it now.
As Col. Jessup once said, "Well, don't I look like the fucking asshole?"
Yes, yes I do.

Anonymous said...

Chez, Chez:

I really think its interesting that for all that you were upset your vision was not understood by M. Night, that you are so quick to not even entertain another point of view.

Conspiracy theories, huh?

All I'm suggesting is a context for his blow up. Now I certainly can understand you being a little peeved tht my style was cutting, but you might want to think about the point.

Because, guy, your reaction seems to me to underscore some culpability on your part.

-Chuck B.

Chez said...

I've cleared my schedule and plan to spend my entire day thinking about your point, Chuck.

Mr. Controversy said...

Some "facts": (read: biased points some of you could agree with)

- M. Night has lost box office steam.
- People think he's a joke.
- he is nothing more than a little kid, stomping his feet that Disney wouldn't buy Lady in the Water, and that tons of studios passed on The Happening when it was merely The Green Effect.
- Unbreakable and/or Signs were his best films.
- He needs to stop making movies.

And Chez, if this were a movie, the moment you told Brosty to go read something else would have been the moment everyone stood up and clapped for joy. Anyone interested in more Night bashing, party at my place...er, blog. Bah, same thing.

celery said...

you met ron howard's daughter!

that's like, two degrees away from THE FONZ.

Kristin said...

He might be an awful, awful person, but I still like most of his films. As for the rottentomatoes.com review average, I just looked on there. If Indiana 4 has a 77% rating, then I really can't believe The Happening is worth only a 21% (the percentages have gone up).

Does anyone else here feel the new Indy deserved that high a mark?

I think a lot of the 'reviews' on rottentomatoes.com for The Happening are based on negative feelings toward the director rather than a true review of the movie.

Anyway, I'll be renting it on Netflix regardless.

I'd be curious to hear who else in Hollywood hits this level of jerk. I'm sure M. Night's not the only one.

Anonymous said...

Chucky boy it seems you're actually missing the point.

Chez comes up with his "vision" and M. Night hates it. What does Chez do at the time? Besides put up with a pompous ass of a director? He takes it with a grain of salt and says "fuck em".

On the flipside, Shamalamadingdong goes Uwe Boll on anyone and everyone who doesnt agree with his "genius". Short of challenging people into a boxing ring of course.

Another thought, where the hell do you get the racist motivation for this blog? Still waiting on the evidence there. Not once has his ethnicity been mentioned in any shape or form on this blog let alone the majority of big time media outlets. No one has ever focused on how tough it is for him in the business as an "indian director". He's had critical acclaim from the moment the Sixth Sense came out up until Lady and the Water. Even still people are going to go see his silly movie for the "twist". If he chooses to be a "holier-than-thou" douchebag to everyone he works with then he and/or his fans shouldn't be the least bit surprised that he gets this sort of response from people. So yes, if there's been any confusion, you are in fact spouting off moronic conspiracy theories clearly coming out of some narrow minded hole on your person (I'm guessing its your ass). Get it checked out because all that anal leakage CANNOT be healthy, which you've actually already made clear through your posting.

b80vin said...

Ugh. "Night" wrote a movie that had advanced aliens attack a world that was 3/5 water, despite said aliens being "alergic" to water and someone posts this: "however having a bit of variety in our half-baked movie biz... whether always original or not... is still better than none at all." I guess I don't understand what "half-baked" means, but I do understand a good movie and a trashy one that uses style to make it appear good.

I like "Nights" movies on their own level, but it appears, based on overwhelming evidence, that "Night" is an asshole. So I don't think I'd like the guy.

And anyone who threatens to show how they act at work, and insinuates it's a horrible scary thing, lacks self awareness. Further, I'd bet that "Night's" defenders, if they worked for someone who was a monster boss and bragged about it would loathe him, no matter how well he did his job or what minority he belonged to. Unless of course he belonged to entertainment royalty, because really those people are godly.

VOTAR said...

@ kristin:

The new Indiana Jones movie is aweful. All the actors looked tired and anxious for it to be over, the "action" scenes are like Scooby Doo cartoons, and the story is just plain dumb. Cate Blanchett -- who is phenomenal in every other movie she's ever been in -- was embarassing. Eventually she even stopped trying to deliver her lines with the required fake Russian accent, and worse, Spielberg didn't seem to care.

It looked like a youtube mash up by someone trying hard to be like Spielberg, but failing.

Tim said...

OMG... Loved this post...He's such an egomaniac, he's probably reading this right now!

Anonymous said...

Hello everyone,

I really hope you've enjoyed reading through these comments.

I bet nobody figured out that Brosty and Mona are married, and that Chuck is their first-born; Largo is the next door neighbour and Chez, well he's just a figment of Largo's imagination.

In fact nothing here is real. This is not a blog you're reading.

Now all of you fuck-off and marvel at my brilliance.

- Night

-iakona- said...

I loved this post and it's ensuing comments. It's certainly not news that 'Night' is an asshole of this caliber, but it definitely gives a bit of clarity to the stuff that people are saying about this twat.

For that, I applaud you, Chez.

Never again will I pay good money for any of his films. In fact, after I get done posting this comment, I'm gonna cruise for plot spoilers for Da' Happenin'. Fuck M. Night Shamallammaluva.

Anonymous said...

I won't be seeing the Crappening anytime soon.

Jerry Mortimer said...

M. Night came to a small northern resort I work at and was a total asshole to everyone working there. He was paranoid and bitched so much about everything that the manager comped him. It's nice to see his movies tank. Fuck off, M. Night.

Eric said...

Funny--I just tried to leave a comment on your recent Airbender piece (or maybe I did leave it--couldn't tell if it went through), saying much the same thing about Sixth Sense in possibly nastier language. I hate that movie. Given a choice between watching it again or Battlefield Earth again, I'm going with John Travolta in lifts and a weave.

I'm not even kidding about that last part. BE is at least hysterical, 6S is a crashing bore.