Saturday, June 21, 2008

The Centurion Candidate

Over the past several months, I've written only occasionally about the current race for the White House. Sure, lately the number of pieces having to do with the upcoming presidential election have increased, and I haven't held back when it comes to criticizing the actions of some candidates while lauding those of others -- but Deus Ex Malcontent has yet to officially endorse any particular person.

Until now.

So, for the office of President of the United States, I'm getting behind a man with a lengthy military record.

A man who spent time in an enemy prison camp and was severely tortured, leaving him both physically and emotionally scarred.

A man who has serious anger management issues and is quick-tempered to the point of being slightly unhinged.

A man who's often confused about just who the enemy is, makes glaring misstatements, and sometimes can't seem to think clearly.

A man who once called for a long, drawn-out, win-at-all-costs war, even going so far as to contemptuously dismiss any political dissent.

A man who, despite his impressive title, doesn't have the full support and confidence of his peers.

A man who's had a contentious, volatile relationship with his wife, an aging bottle-blonde he blames for publicly humiliating him and against whom he's resorted to at least one unspeakable act that he now refuses to talk about.

A man who can't make a decision without first consulting his friend and superior, and who would likely attempt to continue the kind of rule that's been in place for the past several years, simply because he doesn't know anything else.

A bitter and angry old man with a practically non-existent head of thin white hair and a knack for contorting his face into a near-perpetual steely grimace.

So, who is this man?

Well, of course, he's...

Colonel Saul Tigh.

Why, who did you think I was talking about?

Vote Tigh in '08.

He has a plan.


Alex said...

After this election, the wife and I are thinking of emigrating.

I mean, you can't like McCain unless you're part of that 20% of Americans that think Bush is doing a good job (and coincidentally think the world is flat and that it was created 6,000 years ago) and/or you watch Fox News.

Sadly, Ron Paul was never taken seriously enough.

Instead, we are looking like we will get Obama, who I always thought was a bit of a communist, but now things are looking worse:

New Zealand looks nice. Maybe we'll go there.

Blenderab said...

Hell yeah! (and here is the bumper sticker…)

“Saul Tigh in ’08….. So say we all!!”

or even better yet…

“There’s only one “i” in Saul, really!” (*rimshot)

Be he Cylon, or not, I love the ol’ bastard.

(I’d bet ya he has no problem using the “C” word either!)

Whoa. But seriously now, wait just a minute… if your description matches both that of our favorite “fictional” person in the universe, and also the “actual” Republican candidate John McCain, does that mean you are now going to vote for McCain? Hmmmm?

Colonel Saul Tigh said...

Well, gods damn it, I just don't see the frakking resemblance...

Anonymous said...

frakking genius!

also... communist? really?

Anonymous said...

We have this McDickhead singing "bomb bomb bomb Iran" on youtube; then we have Ray McGovern's piece "Bomb Iran? What's to Stop Us Now" on, which, coupled by the "Israeli Exercise directed at Iran" piece by NYTimes, clearly substantiates the fact that Bush, another brother of the McDickhead fraternity, is clearly bent on another war before he leaves office.

And, McDickhead is keen to take up the baton if and when he gets in.


How do we get through when it's obvious these goons are spoon-fed "intelligence" from bigger-goons? Media won't cut it...

I dunno...

In countries where presidents run amok there is civil unrest. Perhaps this is what is needed over there before something is done...

God help us all...

Doc said...

I can't believe we have to wait until 2009 now for the next episode. Gah!

You should have used one of his eye patch photo's. I'd totally vote for a presidential candidate with an eye patch.

Very Piratey!

Alex said...

@anon - yea, after reading his book it seemed like he's leaning communist.

Deacon Blue said...

Alex...and how, pray tell...does his position on FISA make him "communist."

And even if he was communist-leaning, which is pretty freaking unlikely for any Democratic or GOP politician in this you think he's going to be able to single-handedly turn this country away from democracy and capitalism even if he ends up occupying the oval office?

Sheriff Bart said...

You win.

I can go to bed right now knowing that I will not see anything better today than this post.

Alex said...

@Deacon -

Sorry I didn't make this clearer in my original post: there are two separate issues here.

1. Obama is showing us his "professional politician" colors with this complete betrayal on FISA.

2. Obama called for things like "lost job insurance" where you would get a large portion of your salary for more than a year after you were fired. Ideas like that brand him pretty communist in my eyes.

Hope that makes more sense.

Anonymous said...

My Marx must be a little rusty, I don't recall reading those bullet points in the communist manifesto.

Jayne said...

Oh please. Only the old people bitch about communists.

Chez said...


Alex said...

Heh :)

I just turned 27.

...and stay off my lawn.

Mr. Controversy said...

Good sir, I believe we must call for a general election.

Tigh/Adama vs. Crane/Shore

Who do you think would win?

d. said...

So say we all!