Friday, April 18, 2008
"I Saw It! It's Alive! It's Huge! ... IT'S INFALLIBLE!!!"
Property of U.S. Government, Multiple Sightings of Case Designate "Poperfield"
Recording Recovered from U.S. 917, Area Formerly Known as Upper East Side, Manhattan 4/18/08
Hello, my name is Chez Pazienza.
Approximately seven hours ago, something attacked the city.
If you're seeing this, then you know more than I do.
It's big, dressed in white robes and a silly hat, occasionally rides around in a plexiglass car -- and it seems to be impervious to conventional weaponry, rationality or 2,000 years worth of scientific discovery. As far as I can tell, it's distracted the entire New York City Police Department and forced the closing of streets across Manhattan. There are, well, I'm not sure how to say this, but there are these parasites that seem to be coming off of it -- these little things dressed in Catholic schoolgirl outfits that gather around it, screaming, then disperse and begin to attack anyone nearby with attempts at conversion to Christ and promises of salvation.
I've never seen anything like it.
I'm hiding in the basement of my apartment right now, hoping I can wait it out until the nightmare passes.
If I don't make it -- tell my wife I love her.
I'm so sorry I couldn't be there for you, baby.