Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The First Rule of Mamet Is, You Do Not Talk About Mamet

Alright, did somebody spike my Crystal Lite with Felix the Cat acid?

Is Redbelt really a martial arts movie starring Chiwetel Ejiofor and Tim Allen -- and directed by David Fucking Mamet?

Dear God.

Coming Soon: Takashi Miike's remake of Sense & Sensibility, starring Sonny Chiba and William H. Macy


VOTAR said...

Except for the words "acid," "movie," and "and," I didn't understand any of that.

Riles said...

You forgot, also starring TIM ALLEN.

Aloysius Stitches said...

I can see it now.

Chiba and Macy play two very masculine-looking post-op male-to-female transsexuals from opposite ends of the Earth who simultaneously fall into wormholes and get dumped into 19th century England.

Being the only masculine-looking post-op male-to-female transsexual time travelers from the 21st century in all of 19th century England, they quickly become fast friends. As close as sisters, some might say.

Since they are technically females and thus can't work, according to the social mores of the day, they must marry into good families in order to ensure a future for themselves.

They achieve these ends through a combination of hardcore ass-kicking and understated wit, with queef-powered blow darts thrown in for good measure.

At the end of their path of bloodshed, broken bones and bruised egos, they meet two nobles of ambiguous sexuality who have been unable to find love due to hermaphroditism caused by generations of inbreeding (this probably isn't scientifically accurate, but realism got fed through the wood chipper back at the wormholes).

Chiba and Macy fall for these kindred spirits, get married and move into neighboring cottages so that they might visit each other as often as possible.

Then the world explodes.

Deacon Blue said...

Oh, good...I thought when I clicked on a Red Belt ad yesterday and ended up at the official Web site and read the summary that perhaps I had slipped a gear and had broken with reality.

Nice to know it's just the world that's gone mad and I'm not hallucinating.

Anonymous said...

It just makes it even worse that I want to see it.

Kinda like my cravings for Bojangles.

Wrong, but so so right.

Jennifer Sulkin said...

wow chez... i had the exact same mental gear glitch when i saw the preview, but could not have phrased it as well. touche. the second paragraph is pretty much what i was thinking. and yet, i'm strangely fascinated, even if only to verify that such a thing exists. i will likely end up seeing it at some point.