Friday, March 21, 2008

They're Just Not That Into You

Let's just get this out of the way so that you can make all appropriate fun and we can move on: I love Smokey & The Bandit.

Say what you will, the 1977 Burt Reynolds vehicle (no pun intended) is a classic; it provided my friends and me with three decades worth of quotable lines and taught us to approach life with the understanding that there's no problem that can't be solved with a Trans-am, a CB radio, a big-ass truck full of warm Coors and Paul Williams in a leisure suit. Take my word for it -- the next time you're facing a seemingly insurmountable crisis, just think to yourself WWBD?: What Would Bandit Do?

Problem solved.

While the original Smokey was probably the most mindlessly entertaining movie of all time, its sequel -- the cleverly titled Smokey & The Bandit 2 -- had not a redeeming quality to be found anywhere (unless you take into account the fact that it birthed Hollywood's gag-reel-over-the-credits trend, as the bloopers are generally the funniest part of any big-budget comedy these days). That said, I liked the movie, for reasons I'll probably never quite understand; I imagine it's the same inexplicable thought process which causes me to insist that the Backstreet Boys' I Want It That Way is the best pop song ever.

Although Smokey 2 was, I admit, almost entirely forgettable, it contained one particular scene that somehow managed to stick with me throughout the years, simply because -- believe it or not -- it actually said a hell of a lot about not just the culture of celebrity, but about celebrities themselves. And while I have no doubt that any profound theme or underlying esoterica to be found in the film was wholly unintentional on the part of the producers -- this was the same movie, after all, that played a pregnant elephant and Jackie Gleason doing a flaming gay stereotype for laughs -- that doesn't mean it wasn't there.

Hear me out: As the movie begins, the Bandit is a burned out shell of his former self. He's heartbroken over the loss of his one true love, played by Sally Field, but he's also bitter and angry because he understands that it was his own arrogance and narcissism that drove her away. The audience comes to find out that at some point after the events depicted in the first film -- and, one would have to assume, because of those events -- the Bandit became a nationwide sensation. If this entire premise isn't a textbook example of post-modern meta-fiction, I have no idea what is, given that it's impossible to imagine a bootlegger, one whose most notable achievement involved outsmarting a dimwitted Texas trooper, becoming a household name -- unless he happened to be a character played by Burt Reynolds in a hugely successful movie. Then again, I could be wrong about the ability of a Georgia beer-runner to become famous, in which case Smokey 2 isn't so much "meta" as it is the most subtle and prescient indictment of the media's growing ability to create insta-stars (because you just know that it would be the local news coverage of the Bandit and Snowman's highway antics, and the resulting traffic nightmare, which catapults them into the spotlight) since Network. As the film unfolds further, the Bandit attempts to regain not only the love and affection of his adorable inamorata, but his former notoriety. Unfortunately, these two goals are mutually exclusive, as the Bandit finds out, namely because the cocky swagger that's required to reclaim his "World's Most Famous Bootlegger" crown will drive his girl away, while the humility sure to earn him undying love will likely make him a nobody. It's the ultimate Faustian conundrum.

The whole thing comes to a head in what I think is the pivotal moment in this particular story arc -- the scene to which I'm referring.

At one point, the Bandit is forced to stop for gas -- Trans-am enthusiasts are familiar with this necessity -- and that's where he gets into a row with a clerk whom he believes is guilty of an unforgivable transgression: While the guy does, in fact, know just whose presence he's being graced by -- he's aware of the Bandit's status as a celebrity -- he doesn't give a shit. He thinks the Bandit's an arrogant asshole. This snub causes the Bandit to throw a juvenile tantrum, grabbing the clerk by the throat and shouting in his face: "Women love me! Little kids love me! Now you're gonna love me or I'm gonna kick your ass!"

That one line says everything you need to know about how those who've been in the spotlight too long -- who've gotten used to the warm and comforting glow of perpetual adulation -- can come to feel about themselves and their place in the cultural strata.

It's called believing your own hype.

Why do I bring this up?

Because Sarah Jessica Parker is furious that Maxim men's magazine dubbed her "The World's Unsexiest Woman."

In a recent interview in Grazia magazine, Parker reveals that she and her husband, conspicuously effeminate actor Matthew Broderick, were hurt and offended by the insult -- which Parker calls "brutal" -- and had a difficult time putting the whole ordeal behind them.

Feel free to take a moment to grab a tissue if you need one -- I'll wait.

Parker throws down the gauntlet in the interview, simultaneously defending her "sexiness" and attacking Maxim's core audience of 20-something, stripe-shirted potential date-rapists by saying:

“Do I have big fake boobs, Botox and big lips? No. Do I fit some ideals and standards of some men writing in a men’s magazine? Maybe not."

While Parker makes a valid argument, albeit in a referential way, about the unfortunate female ideal in our society -- to say that she's both missing the point and in no legitimate position to be making a point (not this one, anyway) is an understatement.

It's no secret that I find Sarah Jessica Parker startlingly unattractive; I state as much in my personal bio, which stands as the first thing most readers see when they visit this site. I say this not because I'm some troglodyte who's personally offended that she doesn't meet the Americanized standard of perfection that I believe all women -- certainly celebrities -- should aspire to. I don't care that she doesn't have silicone breasts or surgically enhanced lips. I don't stand on the virtual playground throwing rocks at the "ugly girl" because, when compared to a predetermined set of others, she doesn't stack up (once again, no pun intended). Parker's beauty, or lack thereof, isn't a relative thing. I just don't think she's the least bit attractive -- far from it.

What's worth noting, though, is who I'm really taking a shot at in my bio. Here's a hint: It's not Sarah Jessica Parker. For reasons I wish I didn't understand, the slavish, celeb-obsessed media have anointed Parker -- a somewhat homely, unspectacular actress -- the patron saint of high-fashion and feminism-through-sexual-empowerment. In a staggeringly audacious parlor trick, Hollywood and the media have managed to convince an impressionable public that Parker actually is the character she played on television: Sex & The City's hideously dressed bed-hopper, Carrie Bradshaw. This isn't the first time that docile consumers have plugged into the Matrix and either forgotten or chosen to ignore the line between fantasy and reality; Sex & The City in particular has turned such oversight into a cottage industry. (Case in point: Kim Cattrall surreally penning several sexual self-help books, the apparent implication being: "My character fucks a lot on TV, ergo, I'm qualified to help you with your sex life." If you follow this idiotic line of reasoning, we should be sending Stallone over to clean house in Iraq and you'll want to give Hugh Laurie a call the next time you're puking up blood.) Which begs the question: Would I be singling-out Sarah Jessica Parker for a mild amount of mockery if she were just your average actress or quasi-celeb -- and not pushed 24/7 as a style-maker and one-woman cultural zeitgeist?

No, of course not.

And neither would Maxim.

Maxim's shot at Parker, like mine, wasn't aimed at her; it was aimed at her image. The magazine doesn't truly believe that Sarah Jessica Parker is the unsexiest woman in the world. (There's no goddamn way she's less attractive than Amy Winehouse.) It's implying that she's the unsexiest woman we've all been conditioned to believe is sexy. There's no doubt that Parker doesn't fit the Maxim mold -- and that by hitting her hard, the magazine also insults Sex & The City's legion of vapid, clownish female acolytes (the women your average Maxim reader will claim to detest but who, ironically, represent the easiest targets at the bar on Friday night). But that's all sort of the point, and it's one that Parker is apparently too self-absorbed or insecure to take into account. She's not Maxim magazine's type.

So, why the hell should she let it bother her that a magazine not aimed at her -- in fact, aimed at a demographic she considers rather Neanderthal -- has labeled her "unsexy?"

Why is it necessary to be all things to all people?

For the record, Grazia magazine -- the one in which Parker's interview appears -- is a fashion glossy based out of London. This week's issue invites readers to enter a contest, the grand prize of which is an invitation to an exclusive Emilio Pucci fashion show. For the extraordinarily obtuse, allow me to rephrase: An interview with Sarah Jessica Parker appears in a London fashion magazine. If you haven't been to the grocery store lately, you've also missed Parker's airbrushed face peering across the conveyor at you from the covers of Vogue and Cosmo. Add to that the fact that the Sex & The City movie and all the accompanying publicity will soon be dropped onto America's doorstep like dogshit in a flaming paper bag, and you realize that Maxim magazine's juvenile decree hasn't hurt Parker's career one bit. Even if you think she's monstrously repulsive, she's the most successful monstrously repulsive woman on the planet -- dragging her big bag of money from her home under a bridge right to the bank. Maxim's readers and editors shouldn't even matter. Personally, I wouldn't have known about the Maxim poll had it not been for Parker's decision to, apparently, take a stand for the rights of ugly girls. While I'm willing to concede that this entire "controversy" may itself have been concocted by a clever studio publicist, it doesn't alter the fact that Sarah Jessica Parker suddenly looks like nothing more than a petulant child who's crying because the big meanies said bad things about her.

She suddenly looks like someone who's been in the spotlight for so long -- who's become so used to the comforting glow of perpetual adulation; who's become such a believer in her own hype -- that she's shocked and confused when someone doesn't see in her what everyone else seems to. Another possibility, one far more alarming, would be that she's come to believe not only that her status is a right as opposed to a privilege, but that it's also made her unassailable.

"You're gonna come out here and love me, or I'm gonna kick your ass!"

Or there's always the chance that Maxim simply reminded her of the truth that she knows full well: That under all that makeup, after all those cover shoots and fashion shows, in spite of all that acclaim and lionization -- she's really kind of unattractive.


dick_gozinia said...

"I'll never forget that party...How many times do you get to see Smokey fuck The Bandit?"

Best line from Mallrats.

Anonymous said...

Well said.

A Woman, And Not Your Mother said...

Did Grazia bring up Maxim first? So, then you are blaming SJP for what is essentially the fault of so-called journalism. I realize you're trying to show balance with the Bandit references, but, honey, you just don't get it. Smart women love S&TC too. If you can see the elevated moment in the in utereo snap of your child, you'll realize whatever feeds your fantasy self-image is your personal economic driver. Sexism is so rampant in this culture that a dictate on shoes and not-so-ugly fashion becomes a counter-tool to show that applications can make anyone more attractive... just like when ugly men attract pretty women out of comedic intellect, applying their minds.

Let me ask you: why does Anderson Cooper pretend to appeal to women? As you say: "Why is it necessary to be all things to all people?" Can't he just deliver the news, comfortable in his own ability? Of course not, honey. And you couldn't blog while working for the Big Bad Corporation. There's no "Faustian conundrum" between the choice of love and money. Men look for styling women, and Cooper looks for ratings. We're all selling ourselves on some level. What you're really quibbling about is the language being used, and that's because you just don't get women, mentally, so you disregard the forms we use to telegraph one another with.

It's hard for women to age gracefully in either NYC or LA, and in the context of our sexist culture, I take her feeling insulted as personal grief. Your post today, however, I take as the same believing in your own hype that you ranted against. I mean that strictly in a cautionary tale sense, as you hope or purport to be a writer. Understand then how subsets communicate, or lose half your audience by being grossly unfunny.

cultlord said...

Here's to hoping special editions of Sex and the City and Striking Distance come with a horse's head super-imposed over Parker.

Chez said...

Yeah right -- piss off Mom.

At some point in writing these things, I have to stop and edit, which means that I can't make every single point I want to make. I actually don't blame Parker if she was asked by the magazine -- but once again, blow it the hell off. It's not that big a deal that someone doesn't like you.

I hate to break it to you, but unfortunately there will always be sexism, adolescent behavior etc. People will insult people -- yes, I do it here often and I never concern myself with which audience (or members of my regular audience) may not like it. Once again -- I really don't care about being all things to all people. I'll never portray myself as having a metric ton of fierce integrity, but attempting to be something you're not, even when the real you might upset a segment of the population (Anderson Cooper) just damages you. I get a hell of a lot of hate mail and plenty of negative comments. I try not to take them too seriously.

As for Parker standing up in the name of older, unattractive women -- her doing that is like Metallica taking on Napster. It may be a worthwhile fight, but she looks ridiculous leading the charge. As I said, she has nothing at all to complain about -- unattractive or not, mocked by idiots (even me) or not, she's doing quite well.

spencer said...

I've always preferred the James Garner vehicle - Tank

sparksinner said...

I'll skip the intelligent debating here and try to represent the Maxim audience:

SJP is a textbook case for the paper bag method. Nice legs, ass and real tits. Thow the bag on and what's the problem?

Anonymous said...

"she's the most successful monstrously repulsive woman on the planet -- "

You mean behind Oprah and Martha Stewart right? But I guess no one is trying to convince us that they're sexy... thankfully

slouchmonkey said...

Damn fine points, all.

I'll raise my hand and say I don't find Angelina Jolie attractive in the least. Yes, apparently something is very wrong with me. But, you know what, here's my middle finger.

She could've just taking the classy route and said, "You know what, Maxim's right," and laughed it off.

YZF said...

That was really terrific. (Well, the S&TB stuff went on a bit, but whatev.) Kudos!

Anonymous said...

This post didn't make a lot of sense until I realized Smokey and the Bandit wasn't the same thing as B.J. and the Bear.

kelley said...

I imagine it's the same inexplicable thought process which causes me to insist that the Backstreet Boys' I Want It That Way is the best pop song ever.


well, I knew one day you'd cross the line, and there it was...

Anonymous said...

She has a face like Mr. Ed.
But her character embodies all that is wrong with womanhood.
That is her unsexiness.

Once for yes, two for no, Sarah.

Fungi said...

i have a tear in my eye.

you're lucky its late, and i'm stoned, or i'd have to type out the entire script here.

i gotta go. i don't feel good. i think i have swamp fever.

Anonymous said...

None of this would be happening if she'd showed the boobies.

faux mccoy said...

there is nothing more pathetic and hysterical than a grown woman whining 'i am too sexy'. that's hysterical in the classic sense.

Joey B said...

You are wrong, wrong WRONG... even Amy Winehouse is sexier than SJP.

Other than that, spot on.

Jammer said...

I thought Parker was the hottest thing ever back when she did "LA Story". But now, not so much.

Stephen said...

"They let Sarah Jessica Parker on TV and she looks like a foot." - Peter Griffin

I submit 'Hooper' for your approval as well featuring a young Jan Michael Vincent to Reynold's old pro. Also great cameos by Terry Bradshaw and Adam West.

Anonymous said...

The Sarah Jessica Parker "Syndrome," shall we call it, is at work on the persona of Barak Obama. Two years in the Senate and a few years before that driving up to Springfield on Wednesdays for the rubber chickin' and some politickin' and Voila! - - he's not just President, but the Messiah President. And we all believe it as our eyeballs spin around in their unplugged sockets.

And so when he gives a speech about so-called "race relations" in America - and says nothing about race relations in America other than to suggest that "racist attitudes" in our time are exemplified by conduct that makes us "cringe" - yes "cringe," as SJP must have done when she read the surely sexist Maxim article (deep breath here) - what happens? The media begins to drown in it's own Pavlovian drool.

tamara said...

HA! B.J. and the, what a memory trip that was...I'm still gigglin'!

Anonymous said...

"conspicuously effeminate actor Matthew Broderick..." Sweet.

Congrats on the bambino. I think she has your chin!


Gunny Geek said...

Ok, agree or disagree with the points in the post, it is well said. Not that I'm sucking up, a pastime I abhor, but after reading Kos and Crooks and Liars on the left and... well, I don't read anything from the right, really... it is refreshing that someone speaks up and doesn't give a damn about what the readers might think of the sentiment. And it is refreshing that it is well spoken with few typos or grammatical errors and some critical thinking behind it.

Anonymous said...

Despite the fact that you remember "Smokey" and I didn't think you were old enough to, perhaps you don't remember Parker's first television role as the homely girl with glasses on "Square Pegs". She knows she's thin and fashionable but not pretty, people have told her that in "the biz" since she was 15.

Anonymous said...

I really don't blame SJP at all for ranting via the press about Maxim's unfortunate title. There was another article in which she was cited that she actually doesn't consider herself sexy either, but the comment still stung, still hurt her feelings - and brought up every insecurity she's ever had about herself.

And who can't relate to that.

If she was really the "monster" you and the press claim she is due to her success, then how do you explain the following:

1. No matter where she is or what she's doing, if a fan comes up to her and asks for her picture or an autograph, she gives it. No ranting about her privacy or how intrusive someone's being - and you know why? Because as she said, "I don't have to earn my living doing manual labor or something I hate. I'm the luckiest girl in the world and I never forget that for a moment."

2. She coming out with her own clothing line with all pieces averaging under $20 - why? "Because fashion shouldn't be for the elite and quality is not a priviledge." Sounds as if she understands how much bullshit the industry is, her character's part in it, and this is her way of trying to level the field a bit.

3. She grew up dirt poor and QUIETLY lends her name, her money, and her time - for homeless and feeding the hungry causes.

Yeah, I can see how a smart, resourceful, fairly humble, confident, average-looking woman who happens to have some dumb-luck success could cause such a venemous reaction in you and in Maxim's editorial board.

God forbid that a fairly homely girl DOESN'T KNOW HER PLACE. Who does she think she is, right?

Why don't you throw some of that bullshit towards women that give us real women a bad name? I don't need to list them - there are plenty out there.

For someone who claims to love women - you sure came off like a first class asswipe here.


Nathan said...

I realize you have to leave stuff out or you'd never finish one of these posts, but I honestly thought the funniest thing about her reaction was her claim that she was less upset for herself than she was for the insult to her husband's taste in women.

And I loove Smoky and the Bandit 2. I owe it my life. When I was living in Israel, some friends and I decided we needed a break and some American we went to see SATB2 in Tel Aviv. We hated it so much we walked out about 1/2 way through the movie. A bomb went off in the theater about ten minutes after we left. Yup. Love that movie.

VOTAR said...

Yikes Nathan those guys must have really hated that movie.

Nathan said...

Well strictly thinking I think they had more of a problem with the people watching the movie, but I could have been misunderstanding the whole thing all these years.

Aaron X said...

Amy Winehouse poses for naked photos

This is a scary prospect, Winehouse really seems to be working the Keith Richards heroin addict look these days. But I must say I would rather Fuck Amy Winehouse then Sarah Jessica Parker, not because Amy is all that much more attractive, no, but because Amy has some real talent, especially in comparison to Parker, and if you're going to be a star fucker, for God sakes don't be a pseudo-star fucker.

On a personal note, for some reason that I haven't quite figured out yet, the more screwed in the head a woman is the more attractive I tend to find her, an affliction I commonly refer to as the alpha-loser syndrome. Before Amy went to rehab, I was only mildly attracted to her, but now that I know she's fucked in the head, I find her utterly irresistible.

So I'll be there the next time Amy is released from the hospital, with a big bunch of roses and a couple of ounces of Afghani Black to get the party started all over again.

Anonymous said...

I still don't see why I should care at all about anything relating to Sarah Jessica Parker.

trish said...

I agree. That's one ugly, ugly woman.

Rick MacPherson said...

this takes me back to tim burton's first scene in his "ed wood" film where "Bunny" Brekenridge reads Victor Crowley's scathing review of the play... after which Sarah Jessica Parker's character asks, "Do I really have a face like a horse?"

yes.. yes you do...

tell me hollywood doesn't know too...

i think she just personifies hope to all those satc couch potatoes... if sjp can find her "mr big" so can i?

Anonymous said...

I so hope your baby isn't a girl.
You so missed the point (purposely?) of SJP's complaint.
Try explaining to your gorgeous 13 year old neice that just because she has black hair and deep green eyes and not blond hair and blue eyes like the 4 most popular girls in her class, she is still pretty. And you can see in those deep green eyes that your are not getting thru.
Beauty is individual, there is not a cookie cutter standard, whether Maxim thinks so or not.

Chez said...


Not much for paying close attention there I guess.

Anonymous said...

No, Chez - you are the one who doesn't get it. Sarah Jessica Parker realizes that some people don't think she's attractive. From comments she's made throughout the years, I'm convinced that she doesn't believe her own hype. It is hurtful to any woman for someone to tell her to her face that she is ugly, let alone put it on the cover of a national magazine. Plus, since she's doing publicity for her new movie, every interviewer asks "What do you think about Maxim's article?".

How can I put this in terms you'll understand? OK - dick size. Imagine that men had to walk around with their dicks hanging out all the time, for everyone to see. People can see how big or small your dick is. You realize that your dick isn't the biggest one in the world, and it's kind of ugly with that bend to the left, but some people like it, including your wife, and that's good enough for you. Now imagine that Playgirl Magazine puts a picture of your dick on the cover with the title "The Dick that Women Least Want to Fuck!" They put pictures of your dick next to other, bigger, better dicks, and talk about how anyone would be insane to even think about liking your dick. Blogs and entertainment shows pick up the story, spreading it around the globe. Then you go on tour promoting a new book and every interview starts with "What do you think about Playgirl hating your dick?". Sure, for the first few interviews you laugh it off, saying "Who cares what they think?", but you know what? I think that somewhere around the 77th time someone asks you that question, you're going to be tired enough to tell them how you really feel.

That's what happened to Sarah. The first few times she was asked that question, she didn't say she was hurt by the comment. But by the time Grazia asked her, she was tired enough to tell them the truth - that it hurt her. Ninety-nine percent of the women on the planet would be hurt by that comment - whether or not it's true, whether or not you care about the opinion of the person who said it, whether or not you "believe your own hype". It just hurts.

VOTAR said...

But... Sarah Jessica Parker is ugly.

And although I can't speak for Chez, I, for one, never get tired of Playgirl hating my dick.

Chez said...

I'm printing up the t-shirts now, man...

Deus Ex Malcontent: Playgirl Hates My Dick

VOTAR said...


Anonymous said...

Ya'll are mean.

Anonymous said...

Gack ... SATC spent its entire run TRYING to convince us that NYC was filled with great looking, rich, talented guys who wanted nothing more than a veiny-handed skinny broad in a nurse's uniform and stilettos. And SJP as executive producer of the show rammed that "vision" down our throats to the bitter end. So for her now to be all offended and upset because Maxim is repudiating all that is pretty lame. SJP .... honey ... hitch up your big girl pants and get on with your life.

Anonymous said...

Hey Votar,

You're pretty ugly too.

Anonymous said...

I think when they called her 'horse faced' in Ed Wood, they weren't too far from the mark. I wonder if that diss was in the script before SJP signed on for the film or if it was custom tailored.

To me SJP just seems like our generation's Barbara Steisand. Besides the fact that it IMHO they bear far more than a passing resemblance, they're both self-styled female icons, who've been in the lime-light for far too long, and have an over inflated sense of self importance.

EthnickRedneck said...

When did women become the new black/hispanic/minority du jour? Seriously, it's like if you mock one woman - you mock all women. And then the defensiveness sinks in. If women really want equality, here's the deal - you have to suck it up. Admit that some women are ugly, that just because you plop one out doesn't make you a mother, and that a rich white woman in America has absolutely nothing in common with a poor woman from a third-world country. Stop the whole "want to be her/want to fuck her/want to kill her" psychosis that women seem to develop with other women, and move on. Hate the individual, not the gender, dig?

Zarba said...

I Want It That Way is, in fact, a perfect pop song.

This coming from an unrepentant Ramones fan.

Ans Sarah Jessica Parker is, in fact, the unsexiest woman on the face of the earth.

Anonymous said...

Okay, so what is so obviously troublesome to women is that, after all the perceived advancements they've made, a men's magazine still thinks it's good for a laugh to point out that a certain role model for women is genuinely unappealing to the great majority of men.

However, that men have not changed tactics much over the years shouldn't be such a surprise, especially to such a seasoned professional on the ways of men as such as Mrs. Parker or Mrs. Bradshaw. Maxim is a lowest common denominator magazine that is, I would imagine, bought by men who are afraid to bring magazines with actual pornography (and often better writing (i.e. Playboy and Hustler)) into their homes. Its comments on Mrs. Parker are akin to a collective instinctive growl coming from the baser part of men. I get the "unsexiest" title hurts, especially when your freaking show has "Sex" in the title, but she's much to alienate herself from the average male.

Julia Roberts was a similar phenomenon and, to some degree, still is a woman whom other women believe is much more appealing to men than she is in actuality. Even in her hottest commodity period circa Pretty Woman, Roberts never struck such a sour note with men as Parker does now.

However, Julia Roberts never became a brand. She kept being an actor and got better and better at her craft. She was plastered across women’s magazines with the same vigor as supermodels for some time, but that's pretty much where it ended. Perhaps the media synergy juggernaut just wasn't the same a decade or so ago, but I'd like to chalk some of it up to character, self-respect, and/or intelligence on Roberts’ part.

While Maxim is not quite the unsexiest magazine (high-resolution clothed women who have had every flaw, pore, and nipple removed by computer is a poor substitute for eroticism and I just don’t care for it, but some apparently do) there’s a definite “takes-one-to-know-one” aspect going on. Much like it should be difficult to argue the merits of Maxim to a woman with basic reasoning skills, smarter men won't care when you tell us that Parker used to be poor (should I take pity on the used-to-be-blind as well?), has affordable products (thanks for shopping!), etc. and nothing will sway us because, especially as of late, she has done nothing to endear herself to us. Instead, her Maxim-opposite brand based on herself, Bradshaw, sex, clothing, and cosmetics just makes men like me want to either puke or cover every orifice that might catch a whiff of what the Parker is cooking. Men shouldn’t feel badly for treating her and her products any differently than women treat the similar crap we consume. What’s vainglorious for the goose is unsexy to the gander.