Thursday, February 21, 2008
You Name It
Now that I've become the Paris Hilton of the blogging world -- flavor-of-the-week famous for essentially dubious reasons -- I'm going to need an official title. You know what I'm talking about because you've heard some variation on the central theme for years: a couple of descriptive words which, once decided upon, will spread like wildfire and eventually be applied by every single media outlet, every time the subject in question is referenced.
Think about how many times you've heard the following: "Deposed Panamanian Strongman Manuel Noriega," "Radical Anti-American Cleric Muqtada al-Sadr," "Troubled British Rocker Pete Doherty," "America's Mayor Rudy Giuliani" (on Fox only) -- hell, back in the 80s, Dave Barry joked that financially troubled Eastern Airlines would at some point change its name, officially, to "Financially Troubled Eastern Airlines," so often and invariably was that particular descriptor used in news reports.
So, understanding the basics of how this works -- it's generally, though not always, an adjective-adjective-noun combination -- I invite you to be the first to create a title that'll be used in press reports about yours truly from this point forward.
Feel free to be as cute, creative, ridiculous, or outright mean as you'd like.
A few ideas to get you started, beginning with the most obvious and working our way down into oblivion:
1. Disgraced Former CNN Producer Chez Pazienza
2. Recently Fired Media Darling Chez Pazienza
3. Bad Boy Blogger Chez Pazienza
4. Ex-CNN Nobody and Recovering Alcoholic Chez Pazienza
5. Disgruntled Pathetic So-and-So Chez Pazienza
6. Writer, TV Insider and Former NAMBLA President Chez Pazienza
7. Misanthropic Cyber-Celebutard Chez Pazienza
8. The Arist Formerly Known as Chez Pazienza
9. Former Playboy Playmate of the Year Chez Pazienza
10. American Idol Reject Chez Pazienza
11. O.J.'s Houseguest Chez Pazienza
12. Big Purple Dinosaur Chez Pazienza
13. OTVIII Scientologist Chez Pazienza
14. Slain Tejano Singing Sensation Chez Pazienza
15. William Murderface, Murderface, Murderface Chez Pazienza
16. Scandal-Plagued Former Televangelist Chez Pazienza
17. Sa Da Tay Sayin' Baddy Daddy Lamatai Tabby Chai Chez Pazienza
18. Recently Released South African Anti-Apartheid Civil Rights Activist Chez Pazienza
19. Moustachioed 70s Porn Legend Chez Pazienza
20. Chip Pazoanus
Good luck kids!