Monday, February 18, 2008

B-Sides


For the new readers, a few more from the archives.

I learn about television news, sleep on the ground, try to stop the National Guard from killing a news anchor, and meet a girl -- all in the shadow of a monster hurricane. (Into the Maelstrom/8.24.07)

I introduce you to the toughest, meanest woman in Iraq: My ex-wife. (Bulletproof Hearts/3.25.07)

I am Osama bin Laden. (And Now, a Very Special Holiday Message from al-Qaeda/12.20.06)

I compare Gene Simmons to David Hasselhoff. (Kitsch a Falling Star/8.7.06)

I deny the existence of Jesus (while making fun of James Cameron) and live to tell about it. ("I'm the King of the Jews!"/2.27.07)

I show you what it was like growing up in a war-zone. (A History of Violence/11.1.06)

I assert that everything you know is bullshit. (Return of the Attack of the Creeping Surrealism/9.20.06)

I am the Prince of Darkness. (And Now, a Message from Satan/9.19.06)

I claim that the Foo Fighters are better than Nirvana, hip-hop stopped being good 15 years ago, and that I owe my life to a guy named Robert Rivero. (Shut Up. Listen. Learn./11.19.06)

I explain how 9/11 saved my life, as well as the soul of our country (at least temporarily). (Five Years On: 9/11 in Two Parts: Part 1/9.11.06) (Five Years On: 9/11 in Two Parts/9.18.06)

I have an idea what it will take to stop the brutal tradition of "honor killings," but you might not like it. (Killing in the Name Of/5.17.07)

I deserve to be made fun of, and The Daily Show is more than happy to oblige. (Ripped from the Headlines/2.20.07)

I come to the aid of a damsel in distress -- well, a reporter in a bikini anyway. (Career Suicide Blonde/7.12.07)

I finally find it: The silliest, most infuriating non-issue to ever be shoved down the throat of the American public. (Jock Bitch: The Ongoing Saga of Imusgate/4.13.07)

I am George W. Bush. (Tempus Id'jit/9.27.06)

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am surprised your rants about Alycia Lane failed to make the greatest hit list.

What is the definition of Irony again?

Vermillion said...

So let me get this straight...

You not only get fired for this blog, but you helpfully index quite possibly all the posts that probably got you fired? Not to mention that with the growing attention, it is in all likelihood that there is going to be a mob, led by Sharpton and Tom Cruise, waiting outside your home and quite eager to beat you to a pulp?

You are a goddamn hero, Chez. A goddamn hero who still can't take a non-smug picture to save his life, but one all the same.

Web Dunce said...

Chez,

You're my new hero.

Anonymous said...

Tool.

Johnnypeepers said...

You rock bro - I mean it. Those two-bit punk suits on Marietta Street and in Manhattan can't handle satire, much less the truth. But of course you took certain liberties that they deemed especially offensive. The subject that dare be named, especially in media circles.

Anonymous said...

"We’ve come to understand that Bush has the IQ of a lemon"

When lemon-brain was a young man, he was piloting fighter jets. When you were a young man, you were consciously injecting a supremely addictive toxic life-destroyer into your veins with a hypodermic needle.

Yep, he's an imbecile and you're a f***ing genius, genius.

Vermillion said...

When lemon-brain was a young man, he was piloting fighter jets. When you were a young man, you were consciously injecting a supremely addictive toxic life-destroyer into your veins with a hypodermic needle.

And when said young man realized his self-destruction, he made an effort to change, and now has a lovely wife and a baby on the way. He may not be perfect, but he is honest.

During the same period of time, your fighter pilot (amongst other things) managed to rise to the office of the most powerful man on the planet, only to royally screw it up, leading to national ridicule, international disdain, and the implosion of his own political party.

And let us not forget the fighter pilot's own encounters with life-destroying intoxicants and/or narcotics.

So yes, Bush is indeed an imbecile and Chez is a fucking genius.

trish said...

Hey Anonymous, are you really that dumb? I mean come on, you can't be. You can't really be defending George fucking Bush after all you've seen.

Wow did you drink an extra big pitcher of neo-con Kool-aid.

Lou Minatti said...

I don't think you're any of those things. I just think you're a dick who is in love with himself.

Chez said...

Sorry, who are you?

Robo said...

Watch out Chez he's Lou Minatti and he's obviously important. I mean Samuel L. doesn't hang out with computer geeks...or does he?

[cough]douchebag[cough]

Anonymous said...

The problem with having the spotlight cast on you for any length of time is that a lot more idiots begin to take notice of you as well.

We're seeing quite an influx of know-nothing-but-feel-like-they're-right bozos around here. A lot more than usual.

Lily's Mommy said...

So wait, I haven't been paying that much attention here lately as I have my own shit going on, but there's a baby Chez on the way???

If so, congrats. If not, then hurry up! (my husband gets tired of hearing that too)