Tuesday, December 18, 2007

What Child is This?

Jamie-Lynn Spears, the 16-year-old star of Nickelodeon's Zoey 101 and sister of professional laughing-stock Britney Spears, says she's pregnant.

"It was a shock... so unexpected," she said in an interview with OK! magazine.

The younger Spears (although not youngest by any stretch of the imagination these days) says that she intends to have the baby and plans to raise it in her home state of Louisiana, "so it can have a normal family life."

The pregnancy puts on hold a book on parenting that the mother of Britney and Jamie-Lynn had planned to write.

I am making none of this up.

Which means that there's no way that I could possibly improve on it comedically.

I can tell you that it's a little like the movie Juno, if Juno had had the IQ of a ham sandwich -- or maybe that it's time this country seriously considered enforced abortions -- or possibly that since it's so close to Christmas, Jamie-Lynn Spears is still a virgin and is actually about to give birth to the Christ child.

But honestly -- other than that, I got nothin'.


Vermillion said...

How are we supposed to entertain folks with rage-fueled snark when they make it so damn easy?

Inconsiderate pricks.

Harris said...

What the . . . ? "normal" But how . . .? Parenting book? I'm just . . . .


Danny said...

Nice, I haven't even gotten through 'Zoey 101' and now 'lil sis' has a bun in her own oven?

I thought for a sec I might like to know who daddy is but came to my senses and I don't really give a damn!

Ol' mom...the original one...really does need to write a 'how NOT to' about being a mom. Well, no need sharing with the book buying public what you apparently haven't shared with your own offspring, right?

Where are the Spears girls when I'm feelin' randy and I've got no one to take it out on? Ahh...just as well I guess...I don't need to be a 'baby daddy' anyhow...


Doesn't play well with others said...

Did you hear my favorite part? The father is young Spears' 19-year-old, live-in boyfriend. But it's okay, ya'll, they met in church.

girl with curious hair said...

"It was a shock... so unexpected," she said in an interview with OK! magazine.

"I didn't believe it because Jamie Lynn's always been so conscientious. She's never late for her curfew. I was in shock. I mean, this is my 16-year-old baby."

Brilliant. Because honestly, who could have guessed that unprotected sex could cause pregnancy? It's almost like a miracle or something. And as long as kids come home before midnight, what on earth can go wrong?

Lily's Mommy said...

I read how their mom was shocked at the pregnancy because younger Slut, I mean, Spears always made it home by curfew. Because f*cking never takes place before curfew, right??

VOTAR said...


She's cute, she's got those pouty little bee-stung DSL's, and she's identical to her older sister before all the bacon-filled donuts and fried chicken.

I'd totally hit it.

oops sorry wrong blog.

Calitri said...

Since curfew was observed, immaculate conception is must be.

All hail the incarnation of the Christ child.

I wonder how the Catholic church is taking to their new Mary?

Al said...

"...and plans to raise it in her home state of Louisiana, "so it can have a normal family life."

Have to agree. There's nothing that can be added to that statement for pure comedic genius.

I went to the wrong damn high school.

dick_gozinia said...

Another voter for Mike Huckabee.

Mika aka Xeyli said...

"it was a shock... so unexpected."

so unexpected that having sex causes pregnancy? we need to inform doctors around the world and make sure they spread the word to all teenagers that having sex might cause babies.