Monday, December 17, 2007

I Rest My Case


Just a little over 12 hours after posting my self-indulgent list of a few of the women in the news business who are blessed with both beauty and brains -- the overall credits to the industry as it were -- the gods of irony drop this little nugget into my lap.

Alycia Lane is a former reporter and anchor for my old station in Miami, WSVN. She always fell neatly into the ever-expanding "Hot-but-Worthless" category -- but since moving on to Philadelphia, she's really gone off the fucking rails.

Nice to see that she's continuing the proud tradition of lunatic amorality that I've come to expect from South Florida news alumni.

(AU: Bikini-scandal Newsreader Punches Cop/12.17.07)

Good going there Tyson.

11 comments:

girl with curious hair said...

I love how they refer to her as a 'newsreader' and not a journalist.

Brian H said...

I withhold judgment until I examine the bikini photos.

Robo said...

What the fucking christ is a newsreader? I mean I know what it is but we've actually given them their own name and profession? I was a journalism minor...When did I miss that class? Must have been a Monday morning.

winged unicorn said...

which proves brunettes can be just as stupid, maybe even stupider, than blondes!
now redheads...we're SMART!!!!
except in our personal lives.
seriously, chez, consider: she relocates from miami to philadelphia? what's next? allentown?

Boo said...

you can take the girl outta the trailer, but you can't take the trailer outta the girl...

cpt-babypants said...

That woman has a serious case of the dead eyes.

VOTAR said...

JUDGE: Are you ready, sir?

VOTAR: Yes, sir, and good morning, Your Honor. Votar, Esquire, appearing this morning as Advocate for The Devil.

JUDGE: Is your client present in the courtroom today, sir?

VOTAR: My apologies, Your Honor, He is away on pressing business elsewhere. With the holidays just around the corner, well, you must understand...

JUDGE: Very well. You may proceed with your statement.

VOTAR: Thank you. Your Honor, members of the Jury, good morning. It would be easy for any of us to look at this modern American industry called television news, and the antics we have witnessed among the people responsible for it (both in front of, and behind, the camera lens) and conclude with confidence that it is little more than a den of whores.

JUDGE: Careful, counselor.

VOTAR: My apologies for the lapse in decorum, but I would ask the court for a little leeway?

JUDGE: Very well, I'll allow it.

VOTAR: Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, we've all heard the stories by now, haven't we? The indiscretions, the inappropriate trysts, the outright criminalities.
But, is it fair to paint an entire profession because of a few too many individual lapses in judgement?

Search your hearts, I ask you. We're all human, after all. Many of us have had unfortunate run-ins with the Law; many more of us, in the privacy of our lives, have broken laws with impunity. It's all a matter of perspective, and perhaps most of all, of simple bad timing. At least once in each of our lives, we've been at the wrong place, at the wrong time, and maybe have had one too many martinis while out with our friends. Yes, hitting a police officer is a terrible and unfortunate mistake, but does this one black mark rise to the level of such a broad and general indictment? These things happen, and sometimes they happen to pretty television news anchors in just the same way that they happen to doctors and ditch diggers and candlestick makers.

Members of the esteemed jury, Your Honor, while you are deliberating this, let me move on to the issue of the bikini pictures. Knowing what we know... considering the things we both know you may have done without the added scrutiny that comes with on-air notoriety... is this truly such a terrible indiscretion?

Can we not imagine that an attractive woman might decide to have pictures taken of herself, and perhaps also want to enthusiastically share said pictures with the people she knows? Suppose some of her friends happen to be married men.

Can we not think of other situations, exactly like this one, wherein a married man might look forward to viewing erotically charged images of a woman who is not his wife? Is this a crime, I ask you?

And really, considering what we know of these people who -- pardon me again, Your Honor -- seem historically incapable of controlling the compulsion to shit where they eat, can we not think of other, far more heinous and destructive indiscretions involving pretty television news employees, and the married men with whom they work?

Is this not an indictment of pretty women and married men everywhere? And if it is, is this not an indictment of our very way of life?

Well, I don't know about you, but I'm not going to stand here, and listen to you badmouth the United States of America! Gentlemen!





JUDGE: Very impressive. Anything else?



VOTAR: Okay, yeah. Can we see the bikini pics?

Bunche said...

I say her time in Florida messed up her natural mind thanks to that state putting out more growly death metal than anyplace else on the globe, with the possible exception of Denmark. That shit can fuck with you, man.

Calitri said...

Come on. Give the girl a break. Haven't we all emailed bikini-clad pictures of ourselves to our "friend's" wife - made especially confusing by my maleness? Who hasn't done that?

The cop had it coming anyway.

winged u: It's either York for the cheap housing or Charlestown, WV because they have horsies and slots.

Dave said...

Momma said knock you out.

winged unicorn said...

calitri: okay fine. in which city is 'ripple' cheaper?
btw, would the scandal be greater if she were nude? i was interviewed in the nude once, no scandal, but that was 1982 when the world was young and innocent and not concerned with being politically correct. and i didn't punchout the police officer who asked me to cover up. i smiled and VERY SLOWLY wrapped a towel around myself. yeah, i was a vixen. still am. today? i'd lose my job.