Monday, December 31, 2007

Coming Soon: A Smokable Cure for Anorexia


God bless the brain trust at DARPA -- the Pentagon's Research and Development wing -- for handing me one last entry this year from the "I Couldn't Make this Shit Up" file.

It seems they've developed a drug that they claim will eliminate sleepiness. It's called Orexin-A and researchers say it's essentially a synthesized hormone normally produced in the brain -- one that keeps the body awake. The medication is adminstered via a nasal spray.

So, in other words, it's a drug you put up your nose that keeps you awake.

Fucking genius -- why didn't somebody think of this sooner?

(On a serious note, what the hell is wrong with this country? The same assholes who bring you the ridiculous War on Drugs -- specifically all that bullshit about a "meth epidemic" -- now trumpet the fact that they've come up with a drug to replace sleep for Christ's sake. Hate to tell you this guys, but a good portion of New York City will be doing it the old-fashioned way tonight: No expensive taxpayer-funded research, just a quick phone call to a guy named "Chucho.")

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

If only they could invent a powder that would eliminate douchebaggery. Not only would I be for public funding, I'd fly the crop-duster myself.

Happy New Year to you and yours, Chez.

~kanye~

Steve Owen said...

Kind of weird place to leave this message, but Happy New Year man.

Robo said...

Hahaha. I remember those days. "Chucho" and I were close friends. I think back and wonder how much money I could have made if I put all that dough into the stock market instead of my nose but I also wouldn't have some of the good memories of college that I do. So I guess it's a toss up. I had my fun...and probably enough fun for two or three more....

Dave said...

Dear kanye....

They did invent a powder to eliminate douchebaggery and it's called Anthrax.

So get dusting.

Monica said...

so they invented a drug that cures insomnia . . . . not anorexia as the title would suggest