Thursday, December 20, 2007

Eat Me

Rudy Giuliani shouts "Me want food!" before tearing into the skull of a young boy, thus ushering in the Zombie Apocalypse

St. Louis, MO (AP) -- Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani was admitted to a Missouri hospital late Wednesday night with what doctors initially called "flu-like" symptoms.

Giuliani campaign spokeswoman Kate Levinson says the former New York City mayor began complaining of the symptoms -- which included fever, stomach cramps and an apparent slowed blood pressure -- shortly after a campaign stop in Kansas City. It was decided that he should be taken to the Barnes Jewish Hospital in St. Louis for a series of tests.

Doctors have been reluctant to talk publicly about what they believe might be wrong with Giuliani, although one, speaking on condition of anonymity, said that as far as he could tell, the candidate was suffering from "some kind of acute and extremely virulent strain of rabies."

Less than an hour after Giuliani's admission to the hospital, unmarked vans began arriving and cordoning off the surrounding area and parking lot; several armed men dressed in what appeared to be biohazard suits were also seen entering the double doors of the emergency room.

Since then, almost no information has been made available to the media, aside from an official statement from a representative of the United States Army Medical Research Institute for Infectious Diseases claiming that the situation is "under control."

(You've gotta give me credit for being able to reference both 30 Rock and World War Z in the same post.)


Anonymous said...

Oh man.

I work right next to Barnes on the Wash U Medical School campus. So if you never hear from me again...

Your pic and caption are especially amusing since Barnes is a stone's throw away from St. Louis Children's Hospital. This is gonna get messy.

Dave said...

And all my friends said i was crazy when i started preparing for the Zombie invasion....

Now who's insane?

Mika aka Xeyli said...

They released him... but no word of exactly what it was. our nation is great at cover-ups.

heidi said...

i swear i had a zombie dream the other night, and i was using max brooks' zombie survival guide to stay alive. now this. i need to make a notation in my z-day diary and sort out my task force. i'm pretty sure i've got four girls to every guy for when the repopulation efforts begin. (i swear-crazy dream!)

Chez said...

Damn -- doesn't sound like a bad scenario to me.

Let the apocalypse begin.