Friday, November 16, 2007

Into Thin Airhead

Screw it, let's stay with the George Bernard Shaw theme for a little while longer. Shaw once said that martyrdom was the only way a person could become famous without ability.

He of course was lucky enough to be dead by the time reality television began trampling our culture like the crowd at a Who concert.

The most egregious "Reality TV" of all remains, needless to say, the news. Find your stupid ass in the middle of a mildly interesting collision of unusual circumstances and you're set for at least the next 15 minutes.

Just ask the unfortunately named Kyla Ebbert.

You might remember the 23-year-old Ebbert as the one who induced two or three seconds of eyebrow-raising last summer when she was pulled off a Southwest Airlines flight for supposedly being dressed "too provocatively." Apparently in the alternate universe catered to by Southwest Airlines, a bleach-blonde in a sweater, tank top and miniskirt constitutes an actionable offense -- remember though, these are the same idiots who couldn't get a flight out of LAX on time if you jammed an alarm clock up their collective asses.

Now Ebbert, in a completely expected development, has parlayed her moment in the limelight into a five-figure nude spread in Playboy. (Well, on Playboy.com, which is I suppose the farm league where the magazine can make a buck or two off of girls who really only merit a second look when they're either dressed like tramps or completely naked -- the Paris Hilton model of female beauty, if you will.)

Ebbert's pictoral, which she insists is "tasteful and classy," is tastefully called "Legs in the Air." The former Hooters waitress goes on to say that she doesn't think posing nude will in any way interfere with her dreams of one day becoming an attorney.

She's right -- posing nude probably won't stop her from becoming a serious professional; being dumber than a dead hamster might though.

But what do I know? I sit here quoting Shaw while this girl at least understands that fake boobs and a willingness to show them off will get you further these days than even martyrdom.

14 comments:

Monique said...

I was smoking a...cigarette.. outside my job, and she was being interviewed a few feet away by Cocks news. These two suits come stumbling out of the bar across the street and notice her. They started yelling "Butterface!!" over and over again and one of them threw his gum at her.... effn hilarious. She looked ready for a nervous breakdown.

Chez said...

Hilarious. Speaking of which...

SG?

Anything?

Anonymous said...

How is that hilarious? That's just plain mean.

Chez said...

Hmm... you really might want to go read something else sir/ma'am.

Just a friendly tip.

tabi said...

No, really, it's hilarious...and true. BUT! Who cares what her face looks like if it's just going to be covered in...I mean buried in....never mind.

I won't even get into the sadness of it. Our society has decayed so drastically that I heard about this little twit four times in one hour of the morning news.

I guess that's what I get for watching the morning "news".

Chez said...

Yes. Yes it is.

RottweilerTOM said...

an attorney? Oh please - I beg to teach her Con Law or Torts!!!

The morale of the story:

Southwest was right.

Juju said...

Maybe she got her tortue done and had to spend time with Kendra from Girls Next Door for her shoot... then I might feel bad for the homely slut.

winged unicorn said...

sorry, i am a mom. and i am embarrassed for the little deluded twit. she needs to be whacked upside her head and made to stand in the corner. alone. until she develops a sense of propriety and understands that other people making a mistake does NOT give her permission to exploit said mistake AND her own self. she is train wreck, ala britney, lindsey, paris et al. sad. just sad.

Robo said...

Just imagine for a moment if the news equaled Chez's thoughts on the particular news item instead of the actual "news item" itself?

Wouldn't you start DVR-ing CNN Then? It would have Season Pass status with the "I Delete" Option checked in my house!!

We need to start a revolt....

Harris said...

Yes, but she could be a naked lawyer. And she'll probably be a bad lawyer. But she'll be naked. So . . . there's that.

famous m said...

There's a Sarah Jessica Parker thing going on with her face that explains both the Hooters employment and need for short skirts. And seeing Legally Blonde 12 times would explain why she dreams of being an attorney. Legs in the air and face down in a pillow is the only way she could be remotely tolerable.

Blade said...

I don't get it - turning being kicked off a flight into a giant sum of money? Sounds pretty goddamn smart to me.

Then again, maybe you've read some interviews or something where you've seen teh stupid, but I don't pay attention to this stuff.

Monique said...

Ok I forgot to check if you replied.

I am flying out there for a shoot over this coming holiday week. You will be sure to receive some prints as soon as I get them! :D