Monday, November 12, 2007

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger, Deader

So, Kanye West's mother -- rather than tolerate one more day of her son's petulant whining I'd imagine -- has opted to take the easy way out and die.

This of course isn't the least bit funny.

What is mildly amusing is that Dr. Donda West, apparently not content to simply get by on her Ph.D or the very big brain behind it, may have died while undergoing -- wait for it -- cosmetic surgery.

Think of it as the hip-hop mom equivalent of your average rapper being crushed by a falling 22" spinning rim.

Can we get a moment of silence in the rap community for Dr. West?

And can we make it last for the next hundred years or so?

(Yeah, yeah, I know -- I'm going to hell. Feel free to direct your complaints here.)


Monique said...

Wow you are so wrong. This isn't funny at all. This is fucking hilarious! hahaha great entry.

Calitri said...

I feel bad for Kayne.

It's going to be much harder for him to be an asshat momma's boy now that he doesn't have a mother. He'll be resigned to simply an asshat.

Poor, poor Kayne.

You think he'll jump onto the coffin as they lower it - his song, Touch the Sky, gently playing in the background?

"Lord, don't take my momma!"

Chez, save me a seat, alright? I don't want to be stuck in the back.

Al said...

This was an absolutely inappropriate, offensive, vindictive, cynical and let's face it - unjustifiably ruthless attack on the West family.

/I laughed

Ally said...

Two thoughts come to mind:

1. Kanye West has to be the biggest, whiniest mama's boy in the entire free world, but it is his mother. C'mon, Chez. Have a heart. You don't have to demonstrate compassion for the Most Annoying for long, but at least for like...I dunno, a day or something. It's a gift, considering Kanye's past record. But still one worth giving.

2. How can a guy who claims not to believe in God worry about Hell? Do I detect some underlying latent religious tendencies? For the atheist, no God = no Devil..hence, no worries on your part.


So glad to see you writing again, btw.

RottweilerTOM said...

Lawyers, get in line.

Lauren said...

Come now Chez, we all know you aren't going to hell for this post. Let's be honest... you were going to hell WAY before this post. Besides, I would expect nothing less from you ;).

Anonymous said...

omg. That was the funniest blog I've read in a long time, from title to finish.

Robo said...

Well from the pictures of Dr. West that i've seen online since this hit the wire I'm sure hoping that it's actually cosmetic surgery to help her look like a woman. I've read the procedure included breast reduction surgery so I guess I'm wrong yet again...

Cue the Crying Game Song would ya?

[high fives chez at gates of hell, strolls in]

Vermillion said...

So much for getting stronger.

Anyway, since you don't have anybody commenting, I figured I would pester you with my unrequested thoughts on the subject.

It is interesting the cycle I went through with this story. First, there was sympathy. Then, as the surgery angle came to the fore, there was mild confusion. I mean, if the woman wanted to go all McNamara/Troy on herself, so be it. it ain't like she doesn't have the means, right?

Then I find out about all the drama behind the surgery, including that she was denied by another surgeon because she had medical issues that could lead to - wait for it - a heart attack on the table. Not to mention all the shady crap her resulting doctor was involved in.

Now I entered the stage of complete and total assholery (I am thinking about calling it the "Chez stage", you are welcome). I mean. why couldn't a woman with a doctorate think to check out her doctor thoroughly? Or leave well enough alone considering her condition for that matter?

No wonder her son became such a prick. I thought it was typical parent-child gladhanding that he took too seriously. But maybe megalomania just runs in the family. He thinks he is God's gift; she thought she was invincible. Hmph.

Anonymous said...

"Chez Malcontent doesn't care about black people's mothers."

-Kanye West

Chez said...


God bless you sir.