Monday, October 22, 2007

Albus't Your Ass

What better way to return to form than by once again taking aim at my old nemesis -- the topic which once incurred the wrath of a substantial segment of my readership: Harry Potter.

Apparently over the weekend, inexplicably wealthy hack J.K. Rowling outed one the most beloved characters from her insanely popular series of crap books. While speaking to a group of hypnotized, pint-sized acolytes right here in New York City, Rowling admitted that the fictional headmaster of the fictional Hogwart's School for Wizards from the fictional (do you get why I feel the need to keep repeating this?) series of Harry Potter and the... books, Albus Dumbledore, was gay.

There are too many potential "magic wand" jokes, so I'll just skip it.

The good news is that, thanks to this little revelation, Rowling can now bring back Dumbledore for a spin-off series that takes place in the "Deathly Hallows Ghost World."

Coming soon kiddies, look for the first book:

Albus Dumbledore and the Call-boys of Fire Island

Just think how refreshing it's going to be for your kids to use the same argument for reading the new series that you used for spending a decade of your life immersed in Pottermania:

"I came of age with Dumbledore."


Paul said...

I read this story over the weekend and came to this conclusion...who the hell gives a flying F**K!

PS: Sorry for the repeat, I forgot to attach my name to the last one.

winged unicorn said...

was this supposed to surprise us? force us to reread looking for "hints"? worry about the true meaning of the word "headmaster"?
more important at the moment: peanut butter (creamy OR chunky) is on sale at target.

Swami Dearest said...

Never read any of the books. I figure I will soon enough, as my kids become old enough to read them. But this bit of trivia is so smugly self-serving for her to deliver AFTER the fact. I can't imagine that gay and lesbian groups are gonna be all that impressed. It's like suddenly supporting the winning team AFTER they've won -- safe, completely superfluous, and as Paul above, says, "who the hell gives a flying F**K!"

Shane said...

To me, this stunt is no better than the late Jerry Falwell assigning sexuality to Tinky Winky. It was an attention-seeking act and completely superfluous to the gift I feel she gave children's literature.

Sexuality bombards children from every angle. Do they really need it in their bedtime stories as well?

Ugh. Gross.

Laser Rocket Arm said...

Rowling is probably one of the few who reads fan fiction of her stuff which is why she threw that out there--so Nerdy McNerderson feels okay about Dumbledore/Harry slash.

Jeff said...

While it does seem a little sheepish for herto say this after the fact, I think it is significant. One of the hardest things for gay kids growing up is the lack of role models and people to look up to, they have to figure it out all by themselves. Making a secondary character in a children's fantasy novel gay is a long, long, long way from a role model, but if it can make gay kids feel a little better about themselves then I'm all for it.

Also, when has J.K. Rowling ever been an attention whore? This is her first U.S. tour in seven years. If you want to blame someone for her success blame the people who love her books.

Anonymous said...

Fuck that.. make Harry gay and butch..then lets see WWIII erupt among the looney fringe better known as the Values Voter....

Simon said...

I can only add that, according to folklore, a wizard should ride a pitchfork not a broom.

Blade said...

I am about 95% positive that the first place that I saw this news was on a satire site, but then it was picked up on CNN and MSNBC, and others.

I could be wrong, but .. whateva.

Sleepless Mama said...

After getting over a brief few minutes of shock, I decided that the book makes more sense this way.

No, seriously. One of the big reveals in the book (yes, this is a spoiler) is that Dumbledore was once "best friends" with someone who later went on to become the greatest dark wizard of their generation: Grindelwald. For five years he rained destruction on the people, and Dumbledore did nothing until the last possible moment. It made absolutely no sense to me, as a reader, that Dumbledore would not step up to the plate and take down a threat just because they'd been friends as young men (particularly one who also killed his sister), but it makes absolutely perfect sense that he would hide himself away rather than throw down against the man he'd been in love with.

Okay, I'm done geeking out now.