Tuesday, August 28, 2007

There's Something About Larry

BOISE, IDAHO (AP) -- Idaho Senator Larry Craig is strongly denying accusations that he's gay, despite entering a guilty plea to misdemeanor charges of engaging in lewd conduct in a Minneapolis Airport men's rest room. During a live news conference, the three-term Republican argued that his plea was entered under duress and says he now intends to hire a lawyer and fight it. Craig contends that his arrest by an undercover officer who claimed that he was propositioned by the Senator should in no way imply that he is gay; on the contrary, the senator strenuously insists that he's not gay, saying, "I'M NOT GAY! NO REALLY, I'M NOT GAY! GODDAMMIT, I'M FROM IDAHO!! I LIKE CHARLES BRONSON MOVIES!! HERE ... HERE ... LOOK AT THE WAY I DRESS, THERE'S NO FUCKING WAY I'M GAY!! I LOOK LIKE DWIGHT SCHRUTE'S GRANDFATHER!!! I'VE NEVER BEEN GAY!!! I FUCKING HATE THOSE FAGGOTS... THOSE LUSCIOUS FAGGOTS WITH THEIR BIG COCKS!!! WAIT, WHAT DID I JUST SAY? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY I SAID? I'M HIRING A LAWYER TO FIGHT WHAT I JUST SAID!! I'M ON MITT ROMNEY'S CAMPAIGN FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!!! BUT OH, MITT'S SO FUCKING HOT!!! WAIT, WHAT? STOP PUTTING WORDS IN MY MOUTH!!! OH YES, MITT IN MY MOUTH!!! NO!!!!! I'M NOT GAY!!!!!!"

When asked to comment, Miss Teen South Carolina was quoted as saying, "I personally believe that gay U.S. Americans are unable to give head in public rest rooms because, uh, ummmm, some people out there in our nation don't have cocks and uh, I believe that our gays like such as, uh, South African men's rooms, and uh, Iraqi men's rooms, everywhere such as, uh, believe that our gay men over here in the U.S. should, uh, help the U.S. gay men, uh, should show their cocks to Senators from South Africa for the future of the U.S."

10 comments:

Al said...

God dammit stop putting into words the thoughts in my head in ways I can only dream of!!!

This is simply just another isolated incident of a pulpit-thumper loving teh c@ck. Hardly ever happens.

RottweilerTOM said...

Kudos Voltar, I mean Chez.

I made a mistake...Miss Teen USA

I made a mistake...Michael Vick

I made a mistake...Larry Craig

Who's next?

slouchmonkey said...

Can you plead guilty and then retain a lawyer to fight the plea?

Al said...

How To: Gay Bathroom Sex

...and you think news is explotative and base.

JEDI MASTER VODA said...

For that one you totally get a gold star and a little happy face on your homework, young Padawan.

roxella said...

Yeah slouchmonkey, that was the first thing I thought too. And I don't think so, at least not if the judge entered the conviction on the plea, which would usually happen at the time he pled guilty I think. Unless he can show there was something wrong with the plea itself, which happens almost never.

But then again, maybe being blinded by teh c@ck has some secret extra-judicial powers I don't know about.

Jax said...

What gets me about Miss South Carolina is that she was Miss South Carolina. Not Miss Newberry County. Not Miss Western Region. Miss Whole State of South Carolina. And no one along the way noticed she couldn't put a sentence together?

Eric said...

You forgot a key point Miss South Carolina made. This is also for our children. Always for our children.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant!

Dave said...

You know guys just because you engage in fellatio with a member of the same sex in a mens room, it doesn't mean your gay.

Did any of you stop to think that perhaps it was an accident? Like Larry was gonna go take a piss and tripped. Or maybe the other guy had been bitten on the pecker by a king cobra and good 'ole Larry was just sucking out the poison? No you didn't. See how you all are.