Friday, August 03, 2007

Boom to Robust


As a nation, we've become so used to the dangerous, blithering idiocy of George W. Bush that his monumental offenses barely even faze us anymore.

Lies, corruption, fear-mongering, war-mongering, general sociopathy, blatant disregard for the Constitution and the rule of law -- we're inundated with these crimes so regularly that they no longer hold any power to provoke outrage.

I imagine it's because of this that the tiniest, seemingly most innocuous of Bush's offenses -- like, say, his butchery of the English language -- now ironically manage to work their way deep under the skin of the otherwise anesthetized.

Originally, his insistence on mispronouncing "nuclear" was little more than a decent punchline, but these days -- after all the havoc he's wreaked around the world -- the knowledge that he's not even bright enough to get a simple word right is the equivalent of a pebble in a one-legged man's shoe. It's just fucking infuriating.

Or how about this one: his almost autistically-induced repetition of the word "robust."

If you're lucky enough to have not been paying attention, that particular adjective is one of our president's favorite words; over the past few years, he's used it to describe everything from his tax relief proposal and the economy in general (5/03), to his administration's brand of worldwide diplomacy (5/06) -- and in much the same way that the emperor's lackeys once stripped off all vocabulist clothing to hide their leader's nudity by purposely saying "NOO-KYU-LAR" as often as possible in mixed company, those close to the president have recently adopted the rather unusual word (I mean seriously, how often do you use "robust" in everyday conversation?) as part of their lexicon (10/06) just to make it seem, well, normal.

Now though, one of the most noticeable "Bushisms" has reared its head yet again.

This time, the president is using "robust" to describe the kind of federal response that Minneapolis can expect in the wake of Wednesday's catastrophic bridge collapse.

For the record, Webster's Dictionary defines "robust" as "having or showing strength or vigor."

In other words, it technically isn't being used incorrectly by Bush, which is in no way meant to imply that it's being used correctly. In fact, you have to wonder if the president has any idea what the word actually means or if he just ripped it off a Word-a-Day calendar four years ago and has since forced us all to suffer through his various -- dare I say liberal -- uses of it.

The point is, there are words that would fit infinitely better in any of the contexts in which our Commander-in-Chimp insists on using "robust" -- a word that's likely only popular with Bush because he enjoys the way it sounds when it aptly describes the flavor of his favorite steak sauce.

Regardless, the good people of Minneapolis had now better prepare themselves -- something robust this way comes.

17 comments:

VOTAR said...

I'm going away for a few days, hopefully to someplace without a television or internet access. Why am I hoping for that, you ask?

CBS-4: BRIDGE COLLAPSE

NBC-6: BRIDGE COLLAPSE, THE SOUTH FLORIDA CONNECTION

WSVN-7: WHEN BRIDGES ATTACK

WPLG-10: ARE YOUR KIDS SAFE FROM BRIDGES?

CNN: LARRY KING INTERVIEWS THAT GUY IN THE BLACK "HURLEY" T-SHIRT FOR THE TWELFTH TIME

MSNBC: KEITH OLBERMAN COUNTS DOWN THE TOP FIVE FUNNIEST WOBBLY BRIDGE COLLAPSE VIDEOS SET TO BENNY HILL MUSIC

ANDERSON COOOPER 360: THOSE MINNEAPOLIS FIRE RESCUE GUYS ARE HOT

NANCY GRACE: BRIDGE COLLAPSE, WHO'S TO BLAME? (I'm actually not making that one up)

FOX NEWS: BRIDGE COLLAPSE, ISLAMIC TERRORISM, OR LIBERAL TRAFFIC ENGINEERS? YOU DECIDE.

WEATHER CHANNEL: IT'S A GOOD DAY FOR A BRIDGE COLLAPSE, WEATHER-WISE.

HEADLINE NEWS: DOG STUCK IN WELL WHILE PRIVATE PLANE HAVING ENGINE TROUBLE MAKES DRAMATIC WHEELS-UP LANDING ON COLLAPSED BRIDGE DURING A HIGH-SPEED CAR CHASE

SPIKE: HOT CHICKS WHO SURVIVE BRIDGE COLLAPSES

HALLMARK: HOW I REDISCOVERED THE MAGIC OF MY MARRIAGE BY BEING STUCK IN A CAR WITH MY HUSBAND UNDER A COLLAPSED BRIDGE

SCI-FI: THE SCI-FI ORIGINAL MINI-SERIES, BRIDGE-O-SAURUS

HISTORY CHANNEL: HITLER'S SECRET PLAN FOR BERLIN'S COLLAPSE-PROOF BRIDGES

DISCOVERY: MAN VS. BRIDGE, BEAR GRYLIS SURVIVES FOR THREE DAYS UNDER A COLLAPSED BRIDGE BY BOILING AND EATING HIS UNDERWEAR AND FILLING HIS PANTS WITH CONCRETE DEBRIS FOR WARMTH AT NIGHT

HGTV: DECORATOR'S CHALLENGE, LANDSCAPE THIS COLLAPSED BRIDGE

ANIMAL PLANET: RESCUE DOGS OF MINNEAPOLIS

GLENN BECK: WAS THE BRIDGE ENGINEER AN ALCOHOLIC? I CAN HELP.

TNT: STEVEN SEGAL IN "BRIDGE OF JUSTICE"

FOOD NETWORK: IRON CHEF MINNESOTA

MTV: PIMP MY COLLAPSED BRIDGE

DISNEY: BRIDGE COLLAPSE, THE MUSICAL

VH1: BRIDGE-FEST 2007 BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE ARTIST WHO CALLS HIMSELF PRINCE AGAIN

TURNER CLASSICS: BRIDGE OVER THE RIVER KWAI

A&E BIOGRAPHY: TONIGHT'S GUEST, BRIDGETTE FONDA

TBN: COLLAPSED BRIDGE: GOD IS PUNISHING MINNEAPOLIS

B.E.T.: YO, YOU SEE DAT SHIT? DAT BRIDGE FINNA' DROP LIKE A BOMB, YO

CSPAN: A RE-BROADCAST OF THE SAINT PAUL-MINNEAPOLIS WATER AND SEWER CIVIL ENGINEERING DEPARTMENT'S REPORT TO THE HENNEPIN COUNTY PLANNING AND BUILDING REVIEW BOARD ON THE VIABILITY OF LONG SPAN PRE-STRESSED JOIST SYSTEM DESIGNS OF THE INTERSTATE 35W MISSISSIPPI BRIDGE

TELEMUNDO: AYEEEE!!!!! ¿MUERTE EN EL PUENTE?

CARTOON NETWORK: FAMILY GUY ("This is worse than that time that bridge collapsed on me!")

E!: EXCLUSIVE! LINDSAY LOHAN'S STARLICIOUS MAKE-OVER ADVICE FOR BRITNEY SPEARS, AND AN INSIDE PEEK AT NICOLE RITCHIE'S JAILHOUSE BABY SHOWER.

Thomas said...

The past 6 years have been a robust display of the fall of Rome. Metaphorically and literally, we are robustly falling to pieces.

I've been waiting with baited breath to hear your robust comments on this tragedy and the subsequent media firestorm. Even Olbermann still had "BREAKING" graphics robustly splattered across my screen last night.

Hear that sound in the distance? The robust fucking horse is nearly dead already.

Nate said...

'the equivalent of a pebble in a one-legged man's shoe'

lol

girl with curious hair said...

What do you think he actually means by a 'robust response' this time? I mean does he mean robust like the Katrina response? Or more robust like the Iraq reconstruction projects?

Either way, I wouldn't feel much better if I lived in Minneapolis right now. As a matter of fact, considering how Bush will be there this weekend to take a look at the robust collapse of this bridge and possibly praise someone for their excellent work, I'd probably be a little worried.

Chez said...

You really are a fucking god dude.

Anonymous said...

Sorry Chez, I have put Votar above you on the brillant scale...Hey Votar I hope you don't mind but I reposted (I couldn't resist) on my blog...

Matt said...

I can scare you even worse than our man-ape-in-chief's mispronunciation of very important words. I currently slave away at an international engineering conglomerate (read: evil sucking beast of evilitude) that does everything from rebuilding hospitals blown up by CONFIRMED U.S. air strikes to accepting any contract involving just enough money to cure the ills of the entire Philippines island chain.

But I digress. My boss, who shall remain name- and title-less, is a big important guy who runs herd over the safety checks and balances of everything the corporation does, and he's just been given back a particular domain that he swore off years ago: “noo-kyu-lar.”

That's right. A man who will serve as the lynchpin for the structural integrity of multi-billion-dollar nuclear energy plants pronounces their core (no pun intended) element in exactly the same boneheaded, gee-whiz way as Bush. Many of his lackeys, much like our leaders', now ape (pun absolutely intended) the linguistic mistake as if on cue, and I quietly grind my teeth into paste while seated among them.

The inmates aren't running the asylum Chez; they've razed it to ashes and started hammering together the new one.

Robo said...

All hail Votar. I'm fucking dying....

One of my Favorite Things he's said:

"You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." --to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005

My all time Favorite:

"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again."

Eric said...

I've always been lenient on the nuclear front, just because I always get confused on pronunciation for it...

That being said, about 4 years ago, I stopped being able to watch Bush speak. Not just because of the content, but his delivery...of everything.

The "leader of the free world" should be able to communicate, if not eloquently, then at least clearly and effectively.

tiny robot said...

Votar, will you marry me?

Diego said...

Do you think it could be an act?

choenbone said...

Dude you can't play THAT stupid...can you?

mrmook said...

said it before,

must say it again.

Votar- YOU RAWK!

Chez said...

What's worth mentioning just one more time is that "Votar" and I met about 20 years ago when we did a radio show together at WVUM in Miami.

In other words, if any radio station out there wants to hire us and put this kind of brilliance on-air every day, feel free to, you know, like, contact us.

He'd love to use a radio career to pick up girls, and I'd just like to get the hell out of television news.

the sieve said...

You've nailed it, Chez. "Robust" is the new "moving forward."

From an ABC News story today:

"Earlier, transportation secretary Mary Peters said a review of the nation's state-based bridge inspection program has been ordered to 'make sure that it's as robust as it needs to be.'"

Anonymous said...

The other day I told a guy I had a very liberal return policy. He winced when I said liberal. I thought that was interesting.

richard said...

This is one robust blog