Thursday, July 19, 2007

Once More with Feeling

According to a wire report in the Associated Press, blind Harry Potter fans won't have to wait to find out what happens to their favorite bespectacled teen wizard.

The braille version of the seventh and mercifully final Potter tome, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, will be released at the same time as the one for folks with perfect 20/20.

You know what though, you're blind -- haven't you suffered enough?

On the plus side, at least if you're 36 and reading this tripe you won't be able to see everyone making fun of you.

Oh, and you'll finally get to legally run your hands all over Hermione's little bumps.

Just make sure you leave one paw free there, tiger.


A Bowl Of Stupid said...

What the fuck, are you on vacation this month or something? For the love of everything holy, go read a book or fly a kite or something, you're starting to creep me out with all these posts.

And please, no talk about Hermione, you may inadvertently excite "someone" and distract him from his next photo-shopping project.

Emily Blake said...

As a person who usually respects you I will be polite in my response.

As an English teacher who adores the Harry Potter books I am a little disgusted by this post.

I read Harry Potter. I also read Catch 22 and Lolita and Bleak House and hundreds of other novels I have on my bookshelf.

Have you actually read any of the books?

I understand there are people who don't like them but why the venom toward those of us who do?

sparksinner said...

This got me to thinking, what if a blind dude needs the same hand for reading and jerking? That would require some delicate choreography...

"oh yeah, take it deep you slut...slappity slappity...that's right ask for more...slappity slappity..."

Yes, I'm proud of myself.

Chez said...

Em -- Oh come on.

You've been so nice to read and comment all this time which is why I won't be too harsh about the fact that you just gave the response that EVERY adult fan of this crap gives whenever someone rightly pokes him or her with a stick for a bizarre zombie-like loyalty to a series of KIDS' BOOKS.

You should know better than to ask me that question honey, since of course I read some of them, so that I could see for myself what the whole fascination was about. Guess what? No -- there's nothing very special about them, which is what makes the positively inexplicably rabid response to these things so fucking confusing. (I mean, have you SEEN that YouTube video from the release of the last book where the guy drives past the line of idiots outside a Barnes & Noble and pulls what you'd think is a fucking drive-by shooting -- given the reaction -- by yelling out the ending of the book?)

It's just crazy.

But remember, you hung with Katee Sackhoff and I didn't, so you'll always have that.

Jayne said...

I liked the books, too, Emily. I only read the first few when they first came out, and I really enjoyed them.

That said, when I see all of the older professionals on the subway reading the latest hardcover, it kinda makes me laugh. Not in a "what idiots!"-make-fun-of-them-kind-of-way, but more of a "what-is-the-world-coming-to?-sort.

You should read what some of our Gawker friends say about it, then you can be mad at them instead of Chez... (he has enough people mad at him these days. trust me.)

Gawker Harry Potter News

Emily Blake said...

The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe is a kids' book.

It's also an allegory for Christ's resurrection.

One thing that's interesting about Harry Potter is how the themes and writing style age with the readers. The first book is written for 11-year-olds. Every book after that ages up.

I am an adult, and an extremely well read one. And I like these books because they're well told. They're also following the hero's journey just like Star Wars.

I seem to remember that film being something of a children's story too.

Know what? In the end I like the books and it makes me happy to read them.

So suck it, grumpy.

Emily Blake said...

Oh, and I have also since joked around with Jamie Bamber at a party and shaken hands and chatted briefly with both David Eick and Ron Moore.

And I've had long conversations with Jane Espenson as I sat beside her on two separate occasions.

It has nothing to do with Harry Potter, but it's pretty cool.

VOTAR said...



Oh. Sorry. I was busy photoshopping a poster sized digital print of Emma Watson onto my blow up doll. Did someone say something?

QueBarbara said...

I'm with you, Ms. Em. One man's tripe is another man's andouille.

I'll concede that the movies are mostly tripe, but the books. . . mmmm, andouille.

Chez said...

Nope folks -- sometimes tripe is just tripe.

Harry Potter is crap and it says something about our pathetic standards that we put said crap on such a pedestal.

Marjorie said...

Emily is sure full of herself. As well as all people who claim to be well read. I bet you don't watch TV and you enjoy shit like butterflies and missions trips to Cambodia.

Lorenzo said...

I'm still not sure how Harry Potter became such a . . .uh. . . a whatever it is. There are much better children's books. That I've also never read. There must be.

Emily Blake said...

Wow Marjorie you sure are making a lot of assumptions. Stop by my blog and learn a thing or two.

I'm well read because I'm an English teacher, dummy. It's my job.

Anonymous said...

Chez, when you're right you're right babe. I read the first few pages of one of these turds and was struck (attacked) by the low quality of the writing, quite apart from the frankly demented plot, which I imagine is transparent only to people who identify strongly with a specific race in Middle Earth. The fantasy I can almost deal with, and I'm tickled no end that the Christian zealots hate it; what I just can't handle is the facile, colloquial prose. If a Classics degree was ingested with many pounds of sugary cupcakes, a mothballed oatmeal cardigan and a few shrooms, these books would be what's left in the toilet. Another triumph for the LCD.