Friday, June 29, 2007

London Appalling


Police have found a car containing some kind of explosive parked near London's Piccadilly Circus.

You really have to give it to the cable news channels; they're never above ridiculous, confusing speculation and gross hyperbole during a breaking situation like this.

One has been using a graphic that reads: LONDON "BOMB" -- as if the city were being attacked by Doctor Evil (and also proving that the network has no idea what the hell is actually going on).

Another has labeled what was found a "POTENTIALLY VIABLE EXPLOSIVE DEVICE."

I'm not downplaying the threat that Londoners may have been facing, but you know what else is a potentially viable explosive device?

The car.

7 comments:

BarbadoSlim said...

There's even rumors of a strange police call box mysteriously appearing near the location. It's said authorities are looking for a man known only as, "the Doctor".

Robert said...

They elevated their threat level to "pasty."

They really need anti-terror laws with some teeth.

I'll stop now.

lakelady said...

I'd say that a car filled with gasoline, propane and nails was a pretty serious bomb. So where exactly was the hyperbole again?

Chez said...

Keep in mind the time on this post.

This was long before anyone really knew anything.

For every one time that your average breathlessly speculative news manager or anchor has been even close to getting it right, I can name you three times he or she has gotten it outright wrong.

RottweilerTOM said...

Here we go again...someone hates Mercedes Benz

Schwa said...

LONDON, June 29 -- Two Mercedes sedans, loaded with gasoline, propane tanks, nails, and explosive detonators were discovered in London's nightclub district early Friday morning. Bomb squads have since defused the devices and removed the vehicles from the area, though are still on the look-out for other such vehicles in and around London. According to British police, had the devices detonated, the loss of lives could have potentially numbered in the hundreds or several more hundreds.

Currently, only one suspect has been named by British police in the investigation, Turner Broadcasting's Cartoon Network. According to investigators, vehicles were planted as part of a guerrilla advertisement campaign for the Cartoon Network's new Adult Swim series, "Propane and Nails", an animated program about a propane tank that fights crime with his wise-cracking sidekick, a three inch copper nail. Ironically, the first episode's storyline finds the duo fighting a terrorist threat in London. Or is that coincidentally? I can't keep track.

"What the bleedin' eff is wrong with these American cartoons?" asks London resident Robert Blakewichsmythe. "Why can't they keep their dangerous ads back in the [United] States? I got work to do and don't need a bunch of bomb-sniffers in my way when I'm trying to sell smack! Bollocks!" Blakewichsmythe then excused himself to go defecate on a pigeon.

An arrest warrant has been issued for the Cartoon Network, which continues to broadcast twenty-four hours a day on several cable services in the United States, in flagrant violation of good taste. The Cartoon Network was unavailable for comment, but a spokesperson for the network promised that as soon as an arrest was made, bail would be posted, and episodes of that show with those two obnoxious kids that have wacky adventures with an anthropomorphized spirit of Death would continue uninterrupted. The spokesperson promised that the Cartoon Network would work tirelessly to find a scapegoat later this evening while reruns of "The Venture Bros" are being aired.

England is a country in Europe.

Ailsa said...

How surreal. I was in the Trocadero (pictured behind the car) last December while vising London. I walked into it, almost by accident, after seeing Spamalot. It was probably 10pm and I was so overwhelmed by the noise, the gaudiness, the seizure-inducing lights... and it went on for floors and floors. It was like a nightmare. The whole thing disgusted me, and I remember so vividly thinking that I could see why people from other cultures would look at that frivolity and glorified hedonism with hatred. (Not that it's that simple...)

Cut to sixth months later... the whole, awful place could've been rubble.

Of course I don't condone terrorism, but I the world might've been a better place without the Trocadero.