In a collect call placed from the L.A. County lockup, America's Sweetheart, Paris Hilton, apparently told Barbara Walters that being incarcerated has changed her in all the predictably clichéd ways.
"I've become much more spiritual. God has given me this new chance," she said.
No further comedic improvement necessary.
Except to say that it really shouldn't surprise anyone that she's taken Jesus inside her; it's pretty much force-of-habit by this point. I hope for his sake that he at least had the good sense to wear a condom.