Monday, June 11, 2007

Apocalypse Ahora!


And behold I saw the Seventh Seal broken.

And the streets became as swarth -- and the skies became as blunt smoke.

Everywhere, there were girls with huge asses in absurdly tight jeans, foul mouths full of gold teeth, multiple children from different fathers, and no hope of ever getting that GED.

There were men with cigarettes tucked behind their ears, oversized fake-gold chains around their necks, outstanding bench warrants numbering in the double-digits, and a minimal chance of not being incarcerated by this time next year.

All around, there were low-riders, colorful flags of all shapes and sizes, a hilariously ill-advised sense of pride and the faulty assumption that those who live along 5th Avenue were happy to play host to such a festive event.

And Daddy Yankee's Gasolina blared from every speaker.

Yet, through all of this chaos -- God did in fact prove himself powerful, loving, kind and merciful.

Because, as it turns out, I was out of town yesterday -- and therefore didn't have to deal with the fucking Puerto Rican Day Parade.*

(*Yeah I know, I suck. But trust me, you have to live through one of these things to understand. Oh, and Manny -- tu sabes yo te quiero.)

4 comments:

Eric said...

Oddly, that sounds like Thursday in my neighborhood.

Monique said...

As someone who lives on 5th Avenue, I must say that you've accurately captured how my neighbors and I were feeling yesterday. I'm thinking I will mail this entry of yours to my landlord in hopes of getting out of my rent for this month. ;)

-Monique

Manny said...

"Out of Town", huh? Is that code for "I got so drunk I woke up sandwiched between Rosie Perez and Freddi Prinze Jr." ?

RottweilerTOM said...

Chez: I remember not too long ago living on Long Island, and hearing all the neighborhood racial slurs of the PR parade, yet god forbid the Columbus parade or St. Patty's Day was mocked. :)

You're fucking brilliant.