Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Learning Curves

I'll make this quick, as it incenses me to the point of wanting to fly out to El Reno, Oklahoma and throw my laptop at the first person who looks at me the wrong way.

It's within that quaint, Midwestern town that a scandal is raging which has attracted the attention of hack news managers from coast to coast. It concerns a local school teacher who's under fire after a topless picture of her began circulating among students. Parents are of course calling for her immediate death by immolation, and school administrators are trying to decide how to judiciously handle the situation.

Did I mention that the topless picture was tucked away among the digital photos on her personal cell phone, and that the innocent and wholly unimpeachable lambs whom the parents are so desperate to shield from corruption never could've seen the offending image without taking -- or at least finding -- the phone and going through it? Or that upon discovering the picture, they then text messaged it to half the school?

A bunch of little angels those kids.

I admit that I'm giving the teacher -- a 41-year-old veteran whose name I won't disclose -- the benefit of the doubt in assuming that she didn't wander the halls wearing a sandwich board that read, "My Cell Number Spells BIG-TITS." From what I remember of my own youth though, kids have an almost supernatural way of finding out a teacher's weaknesses and exploiting them until there's nothing left of the poor fucker but a lifetime prescription to Lithium or the comforting taste of a gun barrel.

The fact that many parents are demanding that this woman be fired simply for having a private life is absurd. Certainly, the wisdom of bringing such an image anywhere near school can be argued, but it was still hidden away -- part of her private property. The last time I checked, teacher or not, she has every right to take all the naked pictures of herself she wants so long as she's not doing it at school and not getting a student to help her.

Worse is the lecherous reaction of the local news stations in the Oklahoma City area, particularly KOKH, FOX 25 -- who giddily asserted news-market dominance by boasting that this tawdry crap could be seen "First on Fox." Their reporter was more than happy to stick a microphone under the nose of redneck idiots like Ray Coat -- a name I will disclose; he's a parent who doesn't see anything the least bit foolish about proclaiming that anyone who takes a topless picture of herself "shouldn't be allowed around kids."


What this woman does on her own time is none of his business -- and damn sure wasn't any business of his precious kids.

Here's a lesson for the parents of El Reno, Oklahoma: look up puritanical; you'll find it in the dictionary, right between private and putrid.


Jayne said...

Goodness knows what they'd say if they found those pictures if ME on YOUR phone, darling.

I'm obviously a danger to children.

Fungi said...

is the teacher hot?

oh and chez, send me those pics of #3.

Chez said...

Not really, and no.

Robert said...

"the comforting taste of a gun barrel."

I now have a new favorite phrase.

Anonymous said...

From what I remember of my own youth though, kids have an almost supernatural way of finding out a teacher's weaknesses and exploiting them until there's nothing left of the poor fucker but a lifetime prescription to Lithium or the comforting taste of a gun barrel.

No shit :)

Its the fucking bible belt- a state that has incensed my sensibilities by voting for the two biggest idiots in the Senate - Coburn and Inofhe. What do you expect?

sparksinner said...

It never ends. People are getting dumber by the minute. What shreds of common sense they once possessed are slowing deteriorating. Soon there will be nothing left.

I don't know if I can read your blog any more. Fark won't be an option much longer, either. It's all so depressing.

At least I can be cheered up a bit knowing Jerry Falwell is with the 9/11 hijackers. I'm sure his experience upon arrival was much the same as their welcome:

Beleria said...

Yet another case where personal accountability has been thrown out the fucking window.
I am ashamed of my state quite thoroughly now.
What about the little shits who STOLE her phone and passed around her PRIVATE photos to all their friends. Are they getting in trouble for this?
If they had broke into her house would this still have been such a scandal? No, even though its the same principle-they choose to burn this teacher, who is probably pretty popular, as the bad guy because she's the adult and those kids are fucking Angels.

Fuck those hypocritical parents, I hope God sends a tornado their way so I can go watch and laugh.


Heh heh... you said KOKH

John said...

What my adolescent libido wouldn't have given for naked pictures of my 8th grade history teacher. Still married, Mr. McCargo?

Emily Blake said...

Great. Up to now my grestest fear has been farting in front of the students. Now I have a whole new thing to fear.

Actually I used to have dirty pictures on my phone, then deleted them for that very reason. She should be allowed to do whatever she wants with her phone, but she should also know better.

ekdikeo said...

The way I heard the story initially, a couple of weeks ago, was that the teacher let a student make a phone call, and a few minutes later, her photos were going around.

Stupid, but not something she should be cruicified for. Crucify those calling for her head.

whad the fuct said...

fucking kids. and worse are the fucking parents...lets delve into THEIR private lives and see what we come up with, bunch of backwoods, inbred, pig fuckers. Its easy to look at someone else, it takes the limelight off their shitty lives.

leave me alone, im off to look at naked pics of Jessica Alba...

Marjorie said...

Kids today are truly rude selfish little pigs.

Anonymous said...

i believe boobs were actually built for kids

Anonymous said...

I taught at a school in Gaithersburg, MD & felt I might be stoned to death for separating from my husband. Or wake up to burning crosses outside my window. This was in 200-freakin'-4. A scant 20 miles from the capital of the free world. I can't imagine what they subject you to in the midwest!

p.s. I now do hair & am much happier.

Love your blog, Chez.

heatdamaged said...

Oh, those evil titties. Look how they can corrupt even the most pure, innocent little child.

You could not pay me enough to be a teacher, especially not after living with a guy that teaches 6th grade. He is constantly aware/paranoid of how his actions and words could be perceived, and this computer is so sterile you could eat off it. He'll probably be pissed that I even typed the word "titties".

josh said...

Yes, the teacher is allowed to have a private life. However, she should not have brought those pictures to school. The principal isn't allowed to bring a playboy in his briefcase just because it's his own private property.