Monday, March 05, 2007

Say What You Will

I'll make this quick.

I'll also more than likely make this filled with plenty of expletives -- evidence of an anger which is tempered only by the fact that outside my window it's snowing over New York City, and it's hard to be too bitter when I can look out and see something so gorgeous. Still, consider yourself warned.

Believe it or not, I'm not one of those people who's calling for the head of Ann Coulter right now.

There's no denying that the world would be a better place if someone beat her in the back of the skull repeatedly with a brick until she needed to be ID'ed by dental records, but anyone with ten IQ points and a specimen cup-full of decorum should've realized that a long time ago -- long before she essentially called John Edwards a "faggot."

Ann Coulter is a worthless, shrieking twat who spouts off stupid shit at every conceivable opportunity, but once again this should surprise no one -- certainly not the people who continue to give her such opportunities by scheduling her for speaking engagements. I could be referring to the Conservative Political Action Committee -- the unhinged loons who packed an auditorium last Friday and giddily laughed and applauded Coulter's childish insult. Believe it or not though, I'm actually far less concerned with them than I am with those in the respectable media -- the ones who somehow never learned the elementary school axiom that two wrongs don't make a right, and have now decided to book Coulter for on-air appearances in an effort to get a "comment" on her comment.

To put it in no uncertain terms, Ann Coulter's plan to get under the skin of those lefty twerps while simultaneously being invited to appear as an invited guest of the very liberal media she regularly mocks has once again worked swimmingly. Tonight, rather than simply face the "home crowd" for her silly shtick on Fox News, Coulter will also appear on CNN's Paula Zahn Now, where she'll no doubt look like an impudent and incorrigible schoolyard bully being confronted by the concerned, indignant and basically helpless mother of a kid she beat the living shit out of. Poor Paula will try to reason with Angry Annie and ask her plenty of questions that begin with the words, "Don't you think..." -- but in the end, by virtue of Coulter's very appearance, her argument will be proven in spades: liberals are all uptight pussies who can't take a fucking joke and aren't willing to fight back.

Every story that a legitimate news service runs which asks the question, "Has she gone too far?" proves that, obviously, she fucking hasn't; if she had, maybe you'd have shut the fuck up and stopped giving her face time.

Any goddamned idiot can lob immature insults at somebody -- given that Coulter has no credentials to speak of; is often fast-and-loose with, or all-out ignorant of, the facts; and is essentially the Paris Hilton of political commentary -- namely famous simply for being famous, for Christ's sake why the hell is she on television to begin with? Holy shit, I'm apt to throw a couple of offensive words around on occasion -- you don't see me being offered a guest slot on Zahn.

I will say this about Ann Coulter: as fucking revolting and despicable a creature as she is -- one I wouldn't fuck if I you told me that I'd get to ram a cattle prod up her ass when I was done -- I have to give her a legitimate amount of credit for one thing: to the best of my knowledge, she's not a hypocrite. As she intimated in the comment which started this whole contrived controversy, an act which offends someone's sensibilities these days is typically followed by a Burson/Marsteller-approved bullshit apology and a stint in rehab. As detestable as Coulter is, when she says something astonishingly stupid, she sticks by it.

Which provides a very nice segue into the second statement to illicit gasps, bouts of "the vapors" and cries of foul from the pretend-offended across the country over the weekend: Bill Maher's insinuation that the assassination of Dick Cheney would, in the end, save lives.

I'd rather not have the NSA or Secret Service kicking in my front door in the middle of the night, but while in theory I would never want to wish ill-will upon a Vice President of the United States, Cheney is a different animal altogether. His dangerous and delusional behavior -- the kind that would make Commander Queeg drop his ball-bearings and sit in quiet reverence -- as well as his Draconian demagoguery when it comes to a willingness to get young American men and women killed has caused me on more than one occasion to wonder if anything short of a hand grenade in his boxer shorts will put a stop to him.

Bottom line: Maher may be brutally frank in his implication, but you know what -- I have a feeling he's absolutely right.

As it turns out, the entire argument is irrelevant anyway, being that you can't kill something which technically was never alive to begin with.

(About the picture at the top: no, of course I'm not going to force myself or anyone else to look at the hideous face of Ann Coulter for the next day or so. Instead, I give you a picture of an otter -- because everyone loves otters.)


Anonymous said...

Thank you for saving me from looking at that DT (dumb twat)...the sea otter is very cute and helps rid my mind of the DT.

To be fair, I think DT is genetic. Seems like all the right wing DTs have Big Hair. That I think, proves it.

ekdikeo said...

I think she qualifies as a hypocrite, because there's no possible way that she could be even remotely intelligent AND believe the venemous crap that spews forth like diarrhea from her mouth?

BTW, I'd take you up on that cattle probe idea.

Harris said...

Doesn't saying, "You can't take a joke" imply that one is at least attempting to say something funny? What's funny about calling John Edwards a faggot? Calling Dick Cheney a compassionate and skilled leader is not "ha-ha" funny per se, but is at least funny in a sick joke kind of way. Comparing Dick Cheney to Kim Jong Il isn't funny either, but at least it has the advantage of being accurate. Calling Edwards a faggot isn't either of those things. Maybe conservatives' understanding of humor is as poor as their command of facts?

Prophet of Ra said...

I love otters. Anyone who doesn't is a Marxist.

Rob Carr said...

I disagree with you on Maher's comments. Given the threat overseas on the VP's life, his comments disrespected the office. I have no respect for the man holding that office, but this is OUR VP. Voting, not assassination is how our democracy works and changes.

Did you see how Fox tried to use this issue against John Edwards, though?

VOTAR said...

On the contrary, I am utterly convinced she DOES believe the things she says, things that are sometimes so irresponsible, I cannot believe her behavior is simply a persona she adopts to attract attention. This is what I consider the real significance of the comparison here. There is a malevolence underlying "Coulterisms" that always seems to take over where common decency and respect ought to prevail. Hers is an evil born of intellect, but wielded with an utter lack of discipline.

This is the fundamental difference between her latest slander, and the casual (but reasoned) observation that Mahr made. I listened to the tape of the discussion on his show, and it was pretty clear to me, the point was one of simple mathematics, cause and effect. If a political leader many hold personally responsible for a disasterous war were no longer in power, perhaps many more American soldiers (not to mention potentially thousands of Iraqis) would probably be alive today.

I got it. What's not to understand about that? The difference -- which the neocon apologist talk show hosts want you to overlook -- is that it's still just schtick, even if Bill Mahr or anyone for that matter really in their heart of hearts thinks we'd all be better off with a different vice president. It would be a forgettable punchline on any other day except for the desperate Chewbacca Defense the right wing has to mount now to get us looking anywhere else but at Ann Coulter and the newest ugly hole she just ripped in the big green curtain.

Peter L. Winkler said...

"for Christ's sake why the hell is she on television to begin with?"

Is that a rhetorical question, or do you not really know the answer. especially after your post on the media's infatuation with Anna Nicole Smith?

Coulter and the media are driven by the same central animating principle: they sell controversy. They want heat, not light. Coulter got on TV in the first place by taking hostile, offensive swipes at liberals and well known Democratic politicians. Her latest comment isn't an escalation of anything previous, it's consistent what she's always done.

John said...

I have the same, sick fascination with The Coultergeist as the History Channel seems to have with Adolph Hitler, so I can't deny that there is a part of my brain that really loves every second of this. The real injustice here though is that Sarah Silverman would have totally nailed that joke.

Jim Hergenrather, Los Angeles said...

It's cheap conservative press baiting. And it works great, doesn't it?

Kinda the Republican equivalent of Dateline luring sex predators out into the open. Coulter, et al. are just luring the "liberal media bias" into the open.

You wouldn't have driven the 160 miles with a glove compartment full of righteous indignation to open with "Don't you think..." if you didn't disagree? And if you dare question (read: "disagree" with) the conservative view, then what does that make you? A sucker. Hah.

Yeah, giving them more attention just feeds the problem and provides them with credibility, but doesn't ignoring the disruptive child just lead to even worse behavior?

In a fight, who would win? Dick Cheney or Anne Coulter?

Chez said...

In that really nice dream I keep having, they just kill each other.

Anonymous said...

you're wrong. ann is brilliant.

her only other option in life was to breed pitbulls in Bakersfield and die when the person she loved the most slid a sharpened piece of a bumper from a 73 Gran Torino between her ribs. a piece, by the way, that had been shaped, honed and meticulously filed for nearly a decade.

so you see, her rise to the entity you see today is quite impressive.


UneFemmePlusCourageuse said...

Yes, otters are infinitely easier on the eyes than women with Adam's Apples.

namron said...

On a personal and visceral level, I detest the woman. I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire. But what has she said that any of of us has not said about a public figure we do not like? If she made her faggot remark, for example, in a comment posted to this site would any of us really be offended? Wouldn't we simply pass it off as the kind of irreverent hyperbole we all enjoy? My concern is that Media (that's you Chez?)treats her as if she has credentials sufficient to comment on anything other than anorexia, cunnilingus, or hair coloring products. The real problem (as you point out) is that we rational and thoughtful citizens ( Major presumption!)assign any significance whatsoever to her statements.

Anonymous said...

Though I have no idea who Ann Coulter is, the cattle prod thing made me laugh. That and your posting pics of otters now....? Your one of my favorite people.

Ps: Dick Cheney visted Australia recently and managed to confuse our 2 main political parties into thinking that he supported them both, regarding their differing stance on Iraq... It was a case of "Mr Cheney said he likes me better."
"No he said he likes me better" " Nooo, he definitely said he likes me better"
"Nu-uh he did not"

VOTAR said...


I would submit to you that the real problem is that the irrational and lacking-in-thoughtfulness citizens DO put a great deal of faith in the utterances of Coulter and her ilk...just listen to the soundbite, and to the applause she got when she made her remarks. The real problem is the phenomenon of "Ditto-heads" who parrot anything Rush or Sean or Todd or Ann says. And they go out and vote, in the millions and millions.

The difference is the forum in which these things are said, and the motivation behind the message, and the change in public inertia that can and does result from such motivation.

When Bill Mahr -- or any of us -- spouts some irrelevent hyperbole, most thoughtful and rational people recognise it for what it obviously is: a punchline. The laughter and applause dies down, and we all move on.

But setting that aside... there is a place where no one knows who Ann Coulter is? Australia is looking more and more beautiful all the time!


Babypants said...

There is comedy to be found in Coulter's "faggot" comment. Apparently one of the right wing media darlings honored at that same conference was actually a gay porn star.

If that's not funny, I don't know what is.

Jennifer Sulkin said...

oh dear, why did i only skim this article before, instead of reading it properly? let alone at work? i'm getting the oddest looks from coworkers as they pass my desk and observe me going into paroxysms of gigglefit. well done.