I'll make this quick.
I'll also more than likely make this filled with plenty of expletives -- evidence of an anger which is tempered only by the fact that outside my window it's snowing over New York City, and it's hard to be too bitter when I can look out and see something so gorgeous. Still, consider yourself warned.
Believe it or not, I'm not one of those people who's calling for the head of Ann Coulter right now.
There's no denying that the world would be a better place if someone beat her in the back of the skull repeatedly with a brick until she needed to be ID'ed by dental records, but anyone with ten IQ points and a specimen cup-full of decorum should've realized that a long time ago -- long before she essentially called John Edwards a "faggot."
Ann Coulter is a worthless, shrieking twat who spouts off stupid shit at every conceivable opportunity, but once again this should surprise no one -- certainly not the people who continue to give her such opportunities by scheduling her for speaking engagements. I could be referring to the Conservative Political Action Committee -- the unhinged loons who packed an auditorium last Friday and giddily laughed and applauded Coulter's childish insult. Believe it or not though, I'm actually far less concerned with them than I am with those in the respectable media -- the ones who somehow never learned the elementary school axiom that two wrongs don't make a right, and have now decided to book Coulter for on-air appearances in an effort to get a "comment" on her comment.
To put it in no uncertain terms, Ann Coulter's plan to get under the skin of those lefty twerps while simultaneously being invited to appear as an invited guest of the very liberal media she regularly mocks has once again worked swimmingly. Tonight, rather than simply face the "home crowd" for her silly shtick on Fox News, Coulter will also appear on CNN's Paula Zahn Now, where she'll no doubt look like an impudent and incorrigible schoolyard bully being confronted by the concerned, indignant and basically helpless mother of a kid she beat the living shit out of. Poor Paula will try to reason with Angry Annie and ask her plenty of questions that begin with the words, "Don't you think..." -- but in the end, by virtue of Coulter's very appearance, her argument will be proven in spades: liberals are all uptight pussies who can't take a fucking joke and aren't willing to fight back.
Every story that a legitimate news service runs which asks the question, "Has she gone too far?" proves that, obviously, she fucking hasn't; if she had, maybe you'd have shut the fuck up and stopped giving her face time.
Any goddamned idiot can lob immature insults at somebody -- given that Coulter has no credentials to speak of; is often fast-and-loose with, or all-out ignorant of, the facts; and is essentially the Paris Hilton of political commentary -- namely famous simply for being famous, for Christ's sake why the hell is she on television to begin with? Holy shit, I'm apt to throw a couple of offensive words around on occasion -- you don't see me being offered a guest slot on Zahn.
I will say this about Ann Coulter: as fucking revolting and despicable a creature as she is -- one I wouldn't fuck if I you told me that I'd get to ram a cattle prod up her ass when I was done -- I have to give her a legitimate amount of credit for one thing: to the best of my knowledge, she's not a hypocrite. As she intimated in the comment which started this whole contrived controversy, an act which offends someone's sensibilities these days is typically followed by a Burson/Marsteller-approved bullshit apology and a stint in rehab. As detestable as Coulter is, when she says something astonishingly stupid, she sticks by it.
Which provides a very nice segue into the second statement to illicit gasps, bouts of "the vapors" and cries of foul from the pretend-offended across the country over the weekend: Bill Maher's insinuation that the assassination of Dick Cheney would, in the end, save lives.
I'd rather not have the NSA or Secret Service kicking in my front door in the middle of the night, but while in theory I would never want to wish ill-will upon a Vice President of the United States, Cheney is a different animal altogether. His dangerous and delusional behavior -- the kind that would make Commander Queeg drop his ball-bearings and sit in quiet reverence -- as well as his Draconian demagoguery when it comes to a willingness to get young American men and women killed has caused me on more than one occasion to wonder if anything short of a hand grenade in his boxer shorts will put a stop to him.
Bottom line: Maher may be brutally frank in his implication, but you know what -- I have a feeling he's absolutely right.
As it turns out, the entire argument is irrelevant anyway, being that you can't kill something which technically was never alive to begin with.
(About the picture at the top: no, of course I'm not going to force myself or anyone else to look at the hideous face of Ann Coulter for the next day or so. Instead, I give you a picture of an otter -- because everyone loves otters.)