Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Bizzaro World

If batshit-crazy were a religion, South Florida would be Vatican City.

I can't even begin to describe what you're about to see.

Every single thing about the following piece of video just screams the special brand of lunacy that can only come from the place that gave you Anna Nicole Smith's death and the Amazing Weeping Judge, hanging chads, the Versace murder, dead people voting, the legal battle for the right to sacrifice animals, Elian Gonzalez, the Cocaine Cowboys, and "Officer" Shaquille O'Neal.

It's shot by an office surveillance camera, and begins with the routine crash of an elderly woman's car through a plate-glass window and into a crowd of people indoors. I say routine because, although no doubt shocking to those living in civilization, this kind of thing happens almost daily in South Florida. In fact, the third largest cause of death in South Florida is eighty-year-old women who've confused the gas pedal with the brake. (#2 is alligator attack, #1 is simply not remembering how to breathe.)

As it turns out though, this particular elderly woman didn't plow her car into just any old office. No, the camera shooting this seemingly unbelievable scene is located inside the DMV.

And what was she doing at the DMV to begin with?

Why she was called back in to retake her driving test of course.

But then something happens that takes the entire surreal scene to a whole new, hallucinatory level. As you watch the video, pay close attention to the upper right hand corner -- slow it down or stop it if you have to. You'll notice a man come into the frame dressed in what appears to be blue tights and a red cape.

Yes, he's dressed as Superman.

There's a man walking by inexplicably wearing a Superman costume.

He doesn't stop to help. He doesn't do much of anything in fact. He's just -- there. Normally this would seem insane, but after what you've just witnessed, his appearance feels oddly Zen -- calming and appropriate, like the signature on a Dali painting.

My friends, welcome to South Florida. Don't fight it -- just let the hypnotic madness wash over you. You're home now.


gordon schumway said...

right now im laughing so hard i think i shat myself!

Anonymous said...

So I presume they rescheduled her driving test appointment? AHHH government, can't live with or without it!

theodicy said...

Chez...I was watching this video on the YouTube site, so I didn't have to have that annoying "YouTube" icon in the lower righthand corner, and saw that Superman actually appears in the LOWER RIGHTHAND corner before you see him at the :23 mark in the UPPER righthand corner...which means Superman was actually in the DMV when the old bat smashed into it...looks like a cubical collapsed on top of him.

Trouble falls in my home
Troubled man, troubled stone
turn a mountain of lies
turn a card for my life
Man of Steel, Man of Heart
Tame our ways, if we start
To devise something more
Something half ways

"Man of Metropolis Steals Our Hearts" by Sufjan Stevens, from the Illinois album

Anonymous said...

Chez, I have to just tell you I love your blog. Comedy gold! I nearly passed out, I was laughing so hard at this post!

I'm so glad your Douchebag list was posted on Fark. Keep it up, that was brilliant!