Thursday, January 04, 2007

Risk Assessment

I'll make this quick; as such, it might not be especially articulate, but I'm sure it'll get the point across nicely.

There's a guy named Ken Barnes who is at this very moment floating alone in choppy seas off the coast of South America on board a small boat whose engine has failed. He's slightly injured and he's almost out of food, surviving only on a few Pop-tarts, or so he says by satellite phone.

The Chilean Navy is now rushing to save him.

Needless to say, Ken's plan of sailing around the world alone has hit a bit of a snag.

He set sail from Southern California -- which shocks me not in the least -- last October, with the intention of following in the vaunted footsteps of Magellan, were it the case that Magellan had packed with him an ample supply of Pop-tarts, a satellite phone and of course been very, very stupid.

Now, once again, for the third time in a month, a whole lot of people are being forced to risk their own lives to rescue someone whose lack of good sense had pretty much predetermined his own extinction from day one. The most egregious example recently has been the absurdly dangerous mission to find three stranded mountain climbers who were foolish enough to try to make it to the top of Mt. Hood in Oregon while a snow storm was heading their way.

These are the kinds of people who millennia ago would've perished strictly as a matter of natural selection, but now thanks to the technology and willingness we possess to consistently save their dumb asses, they have the ability not only to continue living among us but to eventually procreate and raise little idiots of their own. I have no doubt that our seemingly heroic and benevolent actions are in fact creating some kind of frightening butterfly effect of evolution which will inevitably culminate in the entire human race having the median IQ of a snapping turtle.

Ken's girlfriend back in SoCal has said about her intrepid beau, "He can sail, but he's never doing this again. His life is too important."

No, actually -- it isn't.


Janean said...

Have you ever paid any attention to the Darwin Awards?
I am sure that even if he stops sailing, this guy is very likely to come up with another "bright idea" to earn himself one eventually.
Really stupid people don't stop being stupid after just one life-threatening mistake; the reason they do such stupid things in the first place is due to the fact that they are incapable of understanding cause and effect.
Maybe you can take comfort in the fact that before he contributes too much to the gene pool he (and other idiots like him) will likely make another stupid mistake with no one around to save him from himself and stop putting other people in danger. -JBS

Amy said...

I was with you until Dane Cook, i like the guy, and thats MY opinion, just sayin'

Janean said...

For cryin out loud! LOL Is the damn Dane Cook nonsense going to overflow into the comment section of every entry you've posted now?

Stillontheair@46 said...

Thanks for pointing out the narcissism of people like this who want to do the impossible and put others' lives in peril to save them.

This attitude is only surpassed by the self-diluted, out-of-shape douches who climb Everest and cause a traffic jam at the top, forcing REAL climbers to either abort before making it to the summit, or even save these people's lives (if that is even possible)

p.s. Chez, you should have called Massengill to get this post sponsored, you money-hating Douchebag.

Anonymous said...

The man is from Newport Beach. Did you see the lineup of bleached blonds defending his actions?

Anyway...Just how does someone this foolish acquire so much wealth?

Dave Saunders said...

Maybe this guy was stupid, unprepared or ill equipped... or all three? That does not mean his dream is impossible.

I will be sailing around the world for charity in 2010/11; see

I do not plan to need any help but we all know nothing is guaranteed! I'd like to think I could rely on at least one stranger if I really needed it.