Tuesday, January 09, 2007

The Population Explosion

Consider this website a tourist town, and this past Friday through Sunday a little like a holiday weekend. Thanks to Drew from Fark, about 60,000 people blew through this typically quiet little 'berg last weekend, drawn by the promise of a debatably humorous list I decided to put together on a lark a few days previously. The usually idyllic streets were packed with sightseers; some enjoyed what they found in my tiny corner of the internet; others left quickly, vowing never to return; still others threatened to kill the mayor and burn the whole damn place to the ground.

But there were apparently a few who decided to, if not move-in for good, at least make themselves regular visitors; to them I offer a warm welcome.

Since no one typically has the time or the inclination to run down the entire history of every roadside attraction he or she visits, I offer up some suggested reading from the archive that might give newcomers a better idea just who I am and what they're likely to find here on a day-to-day basis.


Why M. Night Shyamalan hates me. (Welcome to My M. Nightmare)

Did anyone really miss David Hasselhoff? (Kitsch a Falling Star)

Interview with a dead man: a visit to Texas's death row. (Things To Do in Texas When You're Dead)

See if my beliefs match yours. (The Cynicist Manifesto)

See if my taste in music matches yours. (Shut Up. Listen. Learn.)

Beating religion into our children is dangerous and stupid; here's why. (Jesus Loves Me This I Know; For My Parents Tell Me So)

Welcome to my hometown, Miami, where the streets are paved with drugs. (A History of Violence)

al-Qaeda is filled with the spirit of the season. (And Now, a Very Special Holiday Message from al-Qaeda)

I had a brain tumor removed eight months ago; here's the whole story. (Where is My Mind? (Part 1), (Part 2))

In addition to these, feel free to click on the links throughout the Douchebag List (now there's a sentence I never thought I'd write); they'll take you to several more columns. Also, excerpts from the manuscript I'm currently shopping to publishers are available by clicking the link to the right.


TK said...

Things To Do In Texas When You're Dead is perhaps some of your finest writing. Run, people, do not walk, and go read it.

Holy fuck, 140+ comments on the douchebag post? Gosh, you've hit the big time. What a pretty bright star you are. It's like staring at the sun. Or Clay Aiken.

I kid, I kid.

Julie said...

I just read the M. Night Shyamalan piece. It made me laugh. This next story has about 1% to do with yours but it still makes me giggle. A few years ago the radio station I listen to in the morning (Preston & Steve) heard that "Night" was filming in Bucks county so they tried to get their producer, Casey, to get on the set. Casey got there but no one was allowed on. The line he used to try and get one the set? Wait for it... he was M. Night Shyamalan's cousin, Shama-lama Ding-dong. Oh, I still laugh thinking about it.

Robo said...

I know I know...it's been just short of a millenia since I posted a comment but hey I've been busy and I didn't know what to write exactly. I guess I can sum it all up by thanking Fark for posting the M. Night Shamaramadingdong article because that is how I originally found this little Town of yours many months ago. There isn't a single blogger out there I read on a consitent basis besides you. I don't count the wwtdd's or HuffPo's of the world in the same light because really there's not that much creativity in their writing. They just comment on the idiocy of others and quite frankly even I can do that.

The Douchebag list was classic. The #1 spot was well deserved and those who think otherwise shouldn't be listed far behind him. I wonder if he looked like Jim Norton if he'd even be as half successful as he is...Wait probably not because Norton is 100 times funnier. Gotta love how society gravitates to those who are beautiful because they think that it makes them better people. Oh and one more note on the DB list....K-Fed. Yeah he's a Fucking douche alright but think about it like this..

The guy was a backup dancer who got to fuck one of the hottest (albeit dumbest) Pop Starlets out. He married her, got her pregnant twice, got her to pay him to party, got her to pay to produce his album, rode her coat-tails of success getting into every Celebrity Rag and blog out there, AND can probably still get laid by some of the hottest chicks out there (mostly because their fucking retarded). Not a bad gig. Now the guy's gonna get a nice phat divorce check to squander away. Let's just put him a class all his own....Douchebag Savant!

The tumor posts are just an amazing read. I have no idea how you can remember such detail at such a time in your life and being all doped up on PK's. I can't even remember half of my college experience and that was mostly just weed. I'm impressed more and more every time you post something so personal. I must say that I haven't been this excited for a book to come out in quite some time. Well not since the Complete Calvin & Hobbes Set...Just Fucking with ya!!

I digress...Ever since I've moved to Malcontentville I've been a happy resident. There aren't many taxes, the people are generally nice (unless their tourists from Dane-ville), the views are amazing, and the community 'gossip' is spot on.

Congrats on all the exposure! You deserve it my friend!

I guess what I'm trying to say is "Golly Good show Chez....Golly Good Show!!"

Robo said...

Oh yeah I forgot to mention that there are over 140 comments on Fark abotu the post too....

"They like/hate you...they really really like/hate you!!"

Rob in Calgary said...

Count me among the folks who found you via Fark and have decided to stay. You've got a well-written and witty journal here, and I'm looking forward to reading more.

Now I think I'll catch up with your links.

Eric said...

as one of thous who found you courtesy of FARK, and have decided to stay, I just wanted to express how impressed I am, and how much I'm looking forward to your book. note that my statement right there didn't actually in any way express how much, but suffice to say it's a very great deal. I read several of your links just now, and the brain tumor peice in particular blew me away. you've a gift. Again, I look forward to your book.

Chez said...

Rob & Eric:

Thanks you so much for the very kind words. They're truly appreciated.

Chez said...

And it's late so please forgive the typos.