Thursday, October 05, 2006

The Cynicist Manifesto: Addendum

Some additions to my list of random beliefs from a couple of weeks ago.

What's Up (with) Doc?

Throughout George W. Bush's presidency, several of his cabinet members have held Ph.ds; Samuel Bodman, Rod Paige, and Paul Wolfowitz just to name a few. Yet only one member of Team Bush has consistently been referred to as "Doctor." That person of course is Condoleezza Rice.

I believe that in actuality, the predisposition by the media and others to refer to the Secretary of State as Doctor Condoleezza Rice is less a show of respect than it is a display of condescension; anyone else would be -- and has been -- regarded as being not unworthy of such reverence, but rather self-assured enough to where such silly obeisance wouldn't matter.

I also firmly believe that Condi proves the point that although education is vastly important, it's no replacement for common-sense; and anyone who's spent the past several years making excuses for -- and being a subordinate to -- an idiot like Bush, doesn't deserve the goddamned title anyway.

Mother Fucker

I believe that Madonna can haughtily take home all the children she wants from Africa -- it's not going to make her the least bit relevant. And for the record: Africa is not a giant fucking puppy farm where uber-liberal celebrity shitheads can come take their pick of the litter and pretend that they're doing the world a favor.

Sound and Fury

I believe that people who make the CH-CH-CH-CH-CHSHHHHHHHHH sound while they think (typically accompanied by the twiddling of a pencil) need to be shot.


John said...

Aww, I make that noise.

Chez said...
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Chez said...

I'll give you a break; you get a flesh wound.

Julie said...

I love the comment about Africa and celebrities. Why adopt one child to waste millions of dollars on and buy them $500 t-shirts when for that much money you could probably feed 20 times as many children in that country?

Liz said...

I actually make more of a "hork na-yuck, na-yuck" sound. Do you think that would be obnoxious? Madonna is married to one of the sexiest filmmakers ever and she's adopting a kid? I would get my tubes untied to have Guy's child, or at least say I got them untied and just make him have sex with me all the time. Jeez. Um, I'm sure all the other stuff you said was relevant, but I wasn't paying attention. Oh, by the way, I think Condi is gay because every time I visit the White House to sow chaos, she puts her hand on my thigh and calls me her "little white dumpling".

Chez said...

Guy Fucking Richie?

Oh honey -- the needle on the Respect-O-Meter just dropped into the basement for you.

What did it for you -- the ridiculous co-opting of the kilt just to make a fashion statement, or the entire 115 minutes of Swept Away?.

Madonna and Richie are truly the perfect couple; both of them are human triumphs of style over substance.

Liz said...

Oh Chez, how shallow. I'm talking about his LOOKS, man, his LOOKS! Tall, blond men make me salivate. Okay, men make me salivate, but for some reason I've always thought he was hot. Pfffft, like you respected me anyway after I tried to have sex with a potted plant at the last party I went to.

Chez said...

I'm willing to cut Ritchie (I misspelled his name last time; he's not one of those people I'd typically feel is worth spell-checking) a tiny bit of slack for introducing Jason Statham to the masses.

Still, you wear a kilt and you're not Scottish? Douchebag.

Liz said...

I would have sex with Jason Statham too. And I understand your whole kilt + lack of Scottish heritage = douchebag formula. But my formula includes the variable "not wearing any underwear under that kilt" and then I'm unable to think clearly after that.

Chez said...

For the love of all that is holy -- would you please get laid Liz.

Schwa Love said...

I have no idea what noise that is, which means I probably make it. Unless you're referring to the sound made by David Cross as five characters and Bob Odenkirk as thirteen other characters in that one Mr. Show sketch where they were acting all funny. I forget which one exactly, but it seemed to tie in to a seemingly unrelated sketch before it, as well as one after it, rather seamlessly if that's any help.

Anonymous said...

Somewhat of a new reader, whole-heartedly agree on most of what you write, especially that idiot Bush..anyways, you probably already read/saw Olbermann's new pin-point accurate description of what the "Dumbest President in American History" is doing, here's the link:

" Mr. President, these new lies go to the heart of what it is that you truly wish to preserve.

It is not our freedom, nor our country — your actions against the Constitution give irrefutable proof of that.

You want to preserve a political party's power. And obviously you'll sell this country out, to do it. "