Thursday, September 07, 2006

With Teeth

Seen on the street today:

A typical smart-suited businessman with not one, but two Bluetooth earpieces, one in each ear, which I suppose makes him an atypical businessman -- that, or the Borg Queen.

If there's been a more comically absurd invention in the past decade, I'm unaware of it.

Those things have become the international symbol for unbridled douchebaggery.


John said...

"If there's been a more comically absurd invention in the past decade, I'm unaware of it."

A friend at Wired is currently reviewing a dildo that hooks up to your iPod. That might win for outright absurdity, but in terms of asshat status symbols, the Bluetooth earpiece has surprised me by out-asshatting even the Hummer. I guess it pays to dream big.

Robo said...

Yup either that or the Hummer Pickup truck because you know...most people want a 5mpg monster with just enough 'cargo room' to haul a mini-fridge.

Total Douchbaggery!

famous mortimer said...

I hate to be a douchebag by association, but I find my bluetooth far superior to the walkman style earplug.

When I need both hands to give the finger and throw a bottle of water while I'm driving or at home when trying to choke and bind a teenage runaway it's great. And that's the extent of my use.

Walking around with it in your ear or let alone wearing it like some stupid blinking sci-fi jewelry is fucking lame, and the main reason I'll never go beyond my home or car with it.

And while we're slamming asshats, if driving a Hummer is the vehicular equivalent of having a small dick, then painting any car canary yellow is the motor version of fat girls wearing too revealing outfits -- disgusting to look at, desperate for attention, and in incredibly bad taste.

ps. You're a tool if you tuck your shirt into their shorts. Complete tool if the shirt is a collared long sleeve.

slouchmonkey said...

Everytime I see someone walking aroud with the Bluetooth attached to their ear, I want to scream "YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING JEDI KNIGHT!!!" I understand the practical uses, ie famous mortimer. Speaking of asshatness and douchebaggery, I over-heard someone complaining about people in LA driving big fancy cars and the status symbol it represents and how morally bankrupt they are because of it and I know for a fact this FUCKER drives a fast-little-sporty-red car that looks sooooo coooool!


VOTAR said...

2 Bluetooths = twice the electromagnetic ear cancer.

Anonymous said...

"ps. You're a tool if you tuck your shirt into their shorts. Complete tool if the shirt is a collared long sleeve. "

Why would I want to tuck my shirt into their shorts?

famous mortimer said...

That was a missed edit when it got revised to be about "you" and not "people".

I think the original read "you should be able to understand the point that was being made with the words TUCK, YOUR, SHIRT, INTO, SHORTS. and you are a complete tool if you can't and feel the need to point it out."

Thanks for reading the post and responses -- and having nothing interesting to add but that.

In truth, I did err..because I was using my bluetooth while typing.

Stevie said...

"Those things have become the international symbol for unbridled douchebaggery"

Come to London, the damn things have bred to the extent that they have assimilated every London mini-cab driver, causing each of them to constantly ramble in one of many African languages that all cab drivers speak, and preventing any passenger from ever hoping to get his or her attention.

choenbone said...

bluetooth, few teeth, no teeth. I dont care. If im out in public and have to hear you complain to your office buddy that your fucking hemmroids are killing you then you deserve the ultimate ass clown award. Besides, you'd get better reception if the phone was completely up your ass where it belongs.

ps the secret word is phvzt, which is ironically the sound a cell phone makes when thrown into a pool of water.

Eric said...

See, I always hated them, too. until I got one. And then I realized I could walk my dog WHILE carrying my damn groceries the 30 blocks home (since I live nowhere near a good grocery store) and manage to have a somewhat casual conversation on the phone (thereby freeing up my home time for actual personal time) without having to spontaneously grow an extra hand or deal with the wire from a handset getting tangled in a leash or C-Town bag.

sparksinner said...

Eric, rationalize all you want. Those 30 blocks is a one man douchebag parade. If your dog could talk the first thing he'd say is "You fucking douchebag, you're embarrasing me with that stupid thing." Why don't you go the extra mile and put your dog in a pink sweater.

The only reasonable use for a bluetooth headset is in the car.

I can't decide which is more idiotic. Bluetooth? Or holding the wired mic on the old hands-free things?