***ATTENTION***FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE***
September 13th, 2006
From: Associated Press
On the heels of Creative Artist Agency's admission that the internet phenomenon known as "lonelygirl15" was nothing more than an elaborate hoax, we at the Associated Press regret to announce that in truth, the entire "lonelygirl15" scandal was itself nothing more than an elaborate hoax.
As you know, we are the leading source of information not only for the public at large, but for the hundreds of news organizations which inform the public, putting us in a unique -- and in this case unfortunate -- position to perpetrate a fraud of this magnitude.
This afternoon, thousands of media outlets -- newspaper, television, internet and radio -- reported that an internet "vlogger" known as "lonelygirl15," was in fact a nineteen-year-old actress named Jessica Lee Rose. The report claimed that the character Rose was playing had become an internet sensation, posting several videos on the popular "YouTube" website which detailed her day to day life. The reports also said that recently, viewers of the videos had begun to doubt the authenticity of them -- some setting out to uncover the truth about "lonelygirl15." The final twist supposedly came yesterday, with the reports claiming that the scam had been exposed as being the brainchild of three Hollywood screenwriters working with the powerful Creative Artists Agency.
In reality, the entire story about the hoax was the brainchild of a disgruntled Associated Press Editor, who enlisted the help of some college buddies to portray the screenwriters for television interviews. Far more importantly however, the editor -- who shall remain nameless -- paid several computer hackers to immediately flood the internet with sufficient past "lonelygirl15" videos and backstories (on sites such as YouTube and Wikipedia) so that anyone looking for information would find supposed facts dating back several months. Even the purported fans and skeptics were nothing more than hired actors.
In truth, no real people had ever heard of "lonelygirl15" until they heard the report on the news about her not being a real person.
Associated Press Vice-President Harry Lime has issued the follwing comment in the wake of the fake scandal scandal:
"This is easily the most intricate scam perpetrated on the world since the unfulfilled promise of Buckaroo Banzai vs. the World Crime League. We're terribly embarrassed, and we can't apologize enough to those who were duped... uh, twice."
Because no laws have technically been broken, the Associated Press plans to deal with this issue internally. No official punishment has been decided on -- although Senior Managers are contemplating forcing the editor to keep his job.
KILL DATE: September 15th, 2006
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Posted by Chez at 2:50 AM